All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
I don't mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It's a waste of energy and time.
We either have free will or we have the illusion of free will so convincing and persistent that no meaningful distinction can be drawn and we must continue to act as if we have free will.
Exclusively dating ND women has been a blessed relief from small talk
Every woman I've dated since high school has been taller and more autistic than the last. If my wife ever leaves me, I'll need to find a non-verbal WNBA star.
yes, thats what I want
We don’t. Weigh the risk/reward and determine what you really want vs what you’re willing to offer. If you’re not willing to offer a partner who requires the full emotional and social commitment of human connectivity and only in it for base needs, you’re an asshole. If you both agree that it’s just about satisfying each other’s base needs, great. Eventually you get old enough you don’t care anymore and coming home to no one is a blessing, just four walls blocking the noise of society, a dog or cat or both, and the blissful solitude of not having no responsibility for the emotional needs of another human being even if deep down you know yours are unsatisfied. Accept you’re a hot mess that other people shouldn’t have to deal with and make the best of what you’ve got without dragging someone else into your cycle of misery.
Wo
That's what normies don't get about introverts: we're not above small talk, we're above small talk when it's all there is. Of course we'll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we'll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we'll talk to say meaningful things.
Else, there's folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to 'scorching hot sex'.
No I'm sorry, interiority cannot be tolerated or respected. You're doing it wrong.
My bf and I barely talk at all. It's fucking awesome just being comfortable shutting the fuck up together.
You mean you don’t have someone constantly at their/your wits’ end… telling you that you’re either the cause of , or lack of the cause of everything?
Thought I was just old fashioned… LOVE…
Nah; I split with my abusive af wife years ago.
“I am home” is not small talk but a declaration, you inform anyone else currently in the home that you specifically (and not a burglar) are now present.
Or you want to have your life narated, but can't afford to hire a voice actor and talking in thirth person feels weird.
No you transition straight into hardcore steamy sex
The more I read into this thread, the more I appreciate being German. I don't talk to the cashier besides smiling at them and saying hello and goodbye and they don't expect me to. I only talk to people I want to talk to, besides at work. But even there I keep it low.
It's not that I don't like to talk. I just prefer to talk with a meaning.
You might like New Jersey to then. "How you doing" is about the extent of it. I can see people I know while out for a run, walk, grocery, whatever, and you're only getting a how you doing unless there's something important we need to discuss. Neighbors, you get a smile and a wave. I'm not striking up a conversation just to strike up a conversation, and that's how most of us are.
At the same time, we can plan to get together and then do get-together stuff, including those meaningless or meaningful conversations.
I hope you don't get me wrong. Ten years ago I might have thought about that. But in the meantime, the USA have removed themselves from the list of countries I want to visit for the foreseeable future and probably beyond. And even 10 years ago, I wasn't really eager to visit.
I understand why you're saying it. There isn't really a place that's representative of the US as a whole, and NJ certainly doesn't represent the qualities that you're presumably trying to avoid. But the internet paints this picture that definitely looks bleak, so I can appreciate your sentiment.
It's not that I fear for myself. I am aware that I, as a white German dude, will probably be fine in the US. It's more of a statement I want to express. You, the US of A, won't see a cent from me as long as I can prevent it. I've cancelled my subscriptions. If it's made in the USA it's not made for me, etc. And I'm making sure my government knows what I think about playing nice with the beast.
I know there are great people in the USA and I'm sure you are one of them. But your country turned to shit.
Hey, you won't find me disagreeing. I try to stay local, small businesses, all of that. It has been a disappointing decade for sure, but I'm not going to lose hope.
All the best to you and the other people that don't agree with the government. Let's hope it'll get better soon.
People think that "i hate small talk" must mean "i want big talk" because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up
These thoughts rattling around in my head and this breath in my lungs would be wasted forever unless I combine them and thrust it upon your unwilling ears
—the entire world for some reason
Sorry, I'm quieter when I take my Ritalin!
Not always true and a little besides the point. I went through a period where my friend circle ONLY made small talk. Hang out for a couple hours at a bar, 90% no talking and when we did it was either to insult each other or talk about our beers.
It became exhausting. Unsurprisingly we went our separate ways and never contacted each other again.
What the duck are you taking about Joey?!?
The definition of small talk is literally establishing common ground in some way. It's only meant for people you don't or barely know.
It's absolutely unnecessary for people you already know deeply.
With silence. Peace and tranquility. Simply enjoying someone's very presence without needing to verbalize it
Asking my life partner how their day was is not small talk. Asking the same question from the cashier at the grocery checkout is small talk.
What if they are the same person?
It averages out to medium talk.
If there's someone behind you, that's called "holding up the line."
that’s the “neat” part
Life partner arrives home. Me: extends middle finger. Life partner: grunts. The rest of the interaction: [redacted]
Talking To my partner isn't small talk. Sustaining a conversation with a coworker who won't shut the fuck up is small talk
Firstly, that sounds great. Secondly small talk is meaningless filler, not common topics, so asking common things is not small talk as long as I actually care and participate in the conversion (like "how are you?" Or "how was your day?" Or even "interesting weather today")
It can also be foreplay for a deep conversation - you stroke and give little kisses in the form of familiar phrases (how are you? Work has been tough this week), then you start sliding hands a little under their clothes in the form of asking broad questions about the things people like to talk about (I love my cat, do you have any pets?), and then you work up to third base by finding something really interesting you both want to talk about (so, then they found ten other subspecies of deep-sea pseudoplancton, and two of those make a chemical that can induce hallucinations ...).
Then afterwards, a nice snuggle of small talk again before heading back home (well, I hope Billy is feeling better by next week, let me know what restaurant you'd like to go to and I can drag Bobby along too)
Some people are just scared of silence I guess.
I thought so about myself too, until i realise i hate small talk because most of the time it's about topic idgaf or with people i don't want to interact with or when i'm supposed to focus.
I mean, the Fins have a thriving society.
I can’t explain it, but they’re among the happiest people on earth.
There was an interesting theory in a paper: during happiness research they interview people and ask them to imagine what the best life would look like and then estimate where they are compared to it in a scale of 0 to 10.
Well, in Finnish comprehensive schools we use grading 4-10 where 4 is "failed", so everything under 7 is bad and 8 is merely "ok". And as we learn this odd scale quite early it's stuck in our heads. So yeah.
I don't know any Finnish person that would describe their life as happy. Perhaps we mean to grade our life as merely tolerable when asked and the scale doesn't take into account this weird system that we use!
Wow, I thought this kind of scaling was just in the 5 star review where companies think 4 stars is failure and 5 stars is ok.