this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2025
760 points (99.0% liked)

196

4942 readers
1784 users here now

Community Rules

You must post before you leave

Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).

Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.

Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.

Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".

Bigotry is not allowed, this includes (but is not limited to): Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism, Sexism, Abelism, Classism, or discrimination based on things like Ethnicity, Nationality, Language, or Religion.

Avoid shilling for corporations, posting advertisements, or promoting exploitation of workers.

Proselytization, support, or defense of authoritarianism is not welcome. This includes but is not limited to: imperialism, nationalism, genocide denial, ethnic or racial supremacy, fascism, Nazism, Marxism-Leninism, Maoism, etc.

Avoid AI generated content.

Avoid misinformation.

Avoid incomprehensible posts.

No threats or personal attacks.

No spam.

Moderator Guidelines

Moderator Guidelines

  • Don’t be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
  • Most moderator actions which have a modlog message should include your username.
  • When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM.
  • Don’t waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
  • Assume the best, but don’t tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
  • Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, if you get tired, or when things get personal.
  • Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
  • Share everything you do in the mod matrix, both so several mods aren't unknowingly handling the same issues, but also so you can receive feedback on what you intend to do.
  • Don't rush mod actions. If a case doesn't need to be handled right away, consider taking a short break before getting to it. This is to say, cool down and make room for feedback.
  • Don’t perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
  • Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don’t want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven’t been banned of course.
  • Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
  • First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
  • Use neutral statements like “this statement can be considered transphobic” rather than “you are being transphobic”.
  • No large decisions or actions without community input (polls or meta posts f.ex.).
  • Large internal decisions (such as ousting a mod) might require a vote, needing more than 50% of the votes to pass. Also consider asking the community for feedback.
  • Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don’t get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.

founded 10 months ago
MODERATORS
760
rule (piefedimages.s3.eu-central-003.backblazeb2.com)
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 169 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Actual conversation I had regarding my sexuality:

Femal Aquaintance- "You can't be bi, you're married! Wait...do you cheat on -=wife=-?!?"

Me - "Of course I can, and no I don't cheat."

Female Aquaintance - "But you're married! Doesn't -=wife=- have a problem with it?"

Me - "No. She's bi too."

Female Aquaintance -"But she's married!!!"

Two weeks later she got drunk and wanted a threesome, then got annoyed that we turned her down. I have no idea why people immediately assume that bi means "will fuck anyone that asks".

[–] JillyB@beehaw.org 37 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My mom met a non-binary friend of mine and their girlfriend. My NB friend comes across as a masculine muscular bro dude but their NB and pan. I mentioned to my mom later that they were NB and she was like "but he has a girlfriend...?" I had to walk her through "you've heard of men being attracted to women, and women being attracted to women. Well Zack is neither and is attracted to women." In her mind, gender and sexuality were like, part of the same thing. Which I guess they are but not the way she thought.

[–] EldritchFeminity@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I had to teach the difference between the two to my therapist the first time I talked about being trans.

The upside to that whole thing being that they ended up using my knowledge as a launching point to learn what the latest research has to say about gender, sexuality, and trans people, and then several years later thanked me because my conversations on the subject with them went on to help them with other patients that they had.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] vaionko@sopuli.xyz 10 points 1 month ago

Gender and sexuality have been a blur for a long time. It's not long ago that transgenderism was considered a sexuality

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 23 points 1 month ago

Online dating as a bi woman is grim. It's annoying, because in certain contexts, I'd be up for casually fooling around with a couple, but when you think you're going on a date with a woman and then her surprise boyfriend shows up, it's gross and predatory

[–] Icytrees@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 month ago

It really opens up the world of bored white middle class couple threesomes, though. They always pay for drinks and give fantastic Christmas gifts.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

will you fuck me? (m25) /s

[–] faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sure, I just need the password to your bank account to verify your identity first.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 110 points 1 month ago (9 children)

You're not a pansexual until you've fucked a cast iron skillet

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 55 points 1 month ago (2 children)

TIL that I am pansexual, though I might be a bit rusty.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 36 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

You can never prove you're pansexual but your degree of confidence increases for each gender you've fucked. I think that's pretty Bayesed

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 month ago

Based Bayesian statistics jokes are the kind of shit I come to lemmy for

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago

What if I just do it to treat my anemia but don’t enjoy it 🤔

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i put a cast iron in the dishwasher what does that make me

[–] ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 11 points 1 month ago

A domestic abuser

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 110 points 1 month ago (2 children)

A self-own on par with loudly proclaiming women never get wet when aroused because it never happened to any women you've ever been with.

[–] Junkers_Klunker@feddit.dk 22 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Surely nobody would ever say that.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 53 points 1 month ago

True.

Well, not counting Ben Shapiro

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 34 points 1 month ago

I have met dudes who vehemently claim the female orgasm doesn't exist because they've never witnessed it

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Ben Shapiro did. He said that his doctor wife told him that they don't get wet lol

One of the all time classic self-owns

[–] MotoAsh@piefed.social 11 points 1 month ago

but my wife is a doctor and she agrees because she's never been wet!

[–] reallykindasorta@slrpnk.net 87 points 1 month ago (9 children)

You’re not really bisexual unless you have sex with every woman and every man

[–] irelephant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

This is inaccurate bisexual is when you've had sex twice

[–] zer0hour@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago (3 children)

it's twice a year, or once every other year

[–] NotJohnSmith@feddit.uk 7 points 1 month ago

No no, I have strong evidence to suggest that's called, "marriage"

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

That would require enbies too. And maybe some other sapient beings that don't share our concept of sex and/or gender.

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Let's please just all agree that it only includes beings that pass the harkness test

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's when you're attracted to J. K. Simmons

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Icytrees@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 month ago

My new years resolution is to become a better bisexual.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 72 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm a dad, as far as I'm concerned anyone who hasn't reproduced sexually is asexual.

chad.jpg

[–] ragingHungryPanda@piefed.keyboardvagabond.com 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

you say you have sex you haven't reproduced? that's called a failsexual

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 45 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Straight facts:

I am a straight man. Hello everyone. I hope you're all having a wonderful day.

Also a fact, I support all peoples choices in terms of what they like and how they identify. Not sure why I would care if someone else wants to be gay, bi, trans, hereto/cis, queer, lesbian, etc. I'm not those things, I'm not sure why it would bother anyone that someone else likes things? Whatever.

Also a fact from a straight guy, aka, straight fact.

While I can recognise that some masculine figures are handsome/good looking, I do not.... And I can't stress this enough.... I do not feel any attraction to men.

They can be rather good looking, but that doesn't make me want to get them naked and fool around.

If you have excitement in your pants for someone of the same gender, well.... I have news for you.... And there's nothing wrong with that.

Be who you are. Anybody who gives a shit is probably not worth knowing.

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (6 children)

A term that I find useful is "~~platonic~~ aesthetic attraction".

It's a term that I learned through the ace community when I was going through the common bisexual experience of "am I bi though, or am I just asexual?". It turned out I was bi, but I find the split model of attraction is a useful framework.

~~Platonic~~ Aesthetic attraction is when you're able to see someone and go "now that is a beautiful man", but not experience any attraction in the conventional sense of the word. I personally find it useful because even though I do experience sexual or romantic attraction to people of all genders, that doesn't mean I experience that for everyone. Sometimes a beautiful person is just a beautiful person.


Edit: got mixed up, and said "Platonic attraction" when I meant "aesthetic attraction". Thanks to @gerryflap@feddit.nl for the correction

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

This reminds me a lot of love. People can't, or don't, by default, differentiate different forms of love, though, there are many.

If you express love for anyone that isn't blood related, the implication is that you want to copulate with them, and often, that's far from the truth.

I love a lot of people, but not in that way. Right now, the only person I love who I want to copulate with is my partner. At the same time, I have a large group of friends that I also love, as a kind of trust and friendship love, though they're not related to me through blood, in any way, shape, or form (Besides us both being human, I guess).

Commoners in society are extremely reductive, so the nuances of such things often escape them.

You can like, love or even find something attractive, and that doesn't define you. You define yourself. That's the privilege of sapience. We can decide such things about ourselves.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Hudell@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

For me it's not even that. I have zero clue about men being good lucking or not except for those who look similar to someone that has been described to me as good lucking or not.

With women I have "some" clue in general and then there's also some women that I personally find very attractive and others don't. But even the most beautiful women don't really give me any desire to do anything sexual with them unless they (or myself) first do something to make me think of it - so I might be closer to ace than actually straight.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i mean for me the sexiest feature is personality. no matter how fast you want to go, that generally reveals slower than say, flashing a titty.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 34 points 1 month ago

And then the goalposts move to "Oh you have had sex with men and women? Well you're dating a woman now so clearly it was just a phase you're not actually bi"

[–] bigboitricky@lemmy.world 33 points 1 month ago (4 children)

You will deal 10% more damage if you never sleep with anyone

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

You aren't pansexual unless you have had sex with every conceivable gender

[–] RmDebArc_5@piefed.zip 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Could you alternatively just have sex with one pangender and one agender person? Like a sort of gender min/maxing?

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Gender min/maxing is a new favorite term of mine. Also yes

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Know_not_Scotty_does@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] UnPassive@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Had the exact same conversation with my super Christian mom. In front of some siblings. It was amazing.

She was arguing that we need to stop normalizing LGBT stuff because anyone can swing both ways.

I told her straight people can't swing both ways, if you can then you're bisexual. She did not like this, so we all took a poll and she was the only bi person in the room.

She's less homophobic now lol

[–] lemmeLurk@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 month ago

I think that's what happens a lot of time, and why there is a tiny truth to them saying things like "pride makes the kids gay". It does not, but it might teach some bi sexuals that it's okay to be just that, and not force yourself to forget about the other half.

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

You can have sex with the same sex without being gay. Look at the porno industry for example. It's all about attraction when it comes to sexual orientation.

load more comments
view more: next ›