this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2026
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The answer to most ultimatums is no. It's one thing if it's something you need to change and is reasonable to demand, but even then by the time it hits an ultimatum the relationship is often in a position where the damage runs deep.
I've ended an engagement over an ultimatum and it's one of the best decisions I've made
Yes! It took me far to long to internalize this.
Ultimatums are never productive, and anyone issuing them is either desperate or an asshole. (Sometimes both.)
What blows my mind, is everytime I was issued one of these... it was from a person who was objectively like way worse or had way bigger issues than I did.
Like, yeah I have to stop playing video games, but you have to pay off your $50,000 in credit card debt.
And the reply was, no, you have to quit video games, so you can work more, and make more money and pay off my debt for me.
And naturally friends/family took her side, because I have the penis and it's my job to pay off her debts, or some bullshit.
anyway, good news is i'm single and financially secure, and happy, instead of together with someone being broke and miserable all the time and doesn't allow me to have any joy on my own.
It sounds like you dodged a serious bullet there. I don't know many people who started their marriages with huge debt who are out of debt or living happily at this point. Most of them are divorced. The smart ones kept enough paperwork to prove their spouses came into the marriage with debt, so they should not be held jointly responsible for it.
Yeah well, according to the women I meet, it just makes me a selfish horrible lazy asshole.
Almost every serious relationship I have had has ended because I was unwilling to pay off debt for my girlfriend. And they also all lied about it and pretended they had no debt. But in their minds, I was the bad person in the relationship...
But true that I am not stupid enough to have married any of them, or gotten them pregnant. One of them tried to get pregnant to entrap me, that was fun! Went off her birth control without telling me and then confessed one night when she was drunk.
And now I meet a lot of ladies who have like 10 million in the bank who think I'm also a lazy piece of shit because I can't afford to drop 25K on a weekend getaway like they can. But I guess they aren't in debt, so progress?
either way I continue to have my mind blown how awful and entitled people are when it comes to relationships and naively cling to my idea that we're supposed to be equal partners who improve each others lives... but it seems that is not a popular mindset these days.
But if we're equal then I don't have control, and I'm not winning. Do you not understand society?
Hey Kelly, how are you doing? Glad you haven't changed!
You've only got one of those, huh?
I don't repeat mistakes. I just make new ones!
Coward! Dilettante!
Them: You have to stop playing video games, they're a waste of money and time and take up too much space
Me: Ok, then you stop collecting funkos
"You need to stop playing video games"
Normal people: says the person that is on Instagram and TikTok for eight hours a day?
I don't even mind the hours on tiktok... what bothers me is the fact they become depressed and anxious because of it, because they are constantly comparing themselves to the lifestyles of millionaire influencers and thinking that is how they should be living their life or their life isn't worth living..
almost every major big influencer/streamer comes from wealth, and pretends like they worked to get where they are... no they started there, and just decided to advertise it so they could con poor people into giving them more money, who want to live vicariously through them.
and every stupid streamer plays up that they are 'just a normal person'. They almost never are. The ones that are normal people... basically live in shitty houses in the middle of no where, they aren't traveling the globe.
THANK YOU. So glad to be free of that judgment and eating my cat food in peace.
I don't judge. I am disgusted, but I don't judge.
I appreciate that. Looking back, it really was disgusting that she tried to use "love" as an excuse to try to force me to change my damn diet!?!?
At the time, I was too caught up in raising our family to see her subtle abuses. So when she'd refuse my physical affection over so-called "cat food breath," I used to really take it to heart. For a long time, I'd honestly almost convinced myself that I really was the problem, somehow.
Look, DO you have cat breath? Because if you do, you know, maybe don't eat cat food. If you don't, then yeah, that's fucked up she'd put you through that and fuck with your self esteem. I hope you and your family are doing better.
or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu_%28negative%29#Non-dualistic_meaning
That's a cool concept that I'm gonna find a way to incorporate into my vocabulary from now on
Ok, but few people will understand that response