If that's not enough

When I need to eat but don't want to put in any effort: half a cup of rice, half a cup of lentils, two cups stock (I use veggie stock, but you can use chicken, beef, etc.) Season with whatever you have in your spice drawer that looks good. Bring the water to a boil then lower the heat to low and let it simmer covered for 20-ish minutes. It's bland but filling, lentils provide protein, it's ready in less time than it would take to get delivery, and you don't have to watch it. Rice and lentils will keep in your cabinet forever. You can get stock paste or boullion that keeps a long time too.

You can still have two beers, but now you're not drinking on an empty stomach.

You're not a true beer connisuer unless you wake up positively shaking with excitement about having your next beer.

I am 35. I will absolutely regret this.

A bucket of milk with some coffee and a lot of sugar is a great breakfast! You'll have great shits, too, especially if you combine it with the beer-only dinner!

Ahhhh, that's where I went wrong, I was drinking 8 bourbons.

400-600 calories. Decent nutrition and plenty of hydration. Dinner of champions.

The only acceptable substitution is 30-40 olives

I drink two beers in the morning, I drink two beers at night, I drink two beers in the afternoon, and then I feel alright!

I drink two beers in times of peace, and two in times of war; I drink two beers before I drink two beers, and then I drink two more!

My friends say I have a drinking problem. A drinking problem! What drinking problem? I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!

People stop at 2?

When i was in my 20s people always asked me how I stayed so skinny. "Have you tried being poor and being an alcoholic?"

Interestingly, the calorie counts on food packaging are derived from the Atwater system (and later modifications) that estimate digestible calories from the amount of fat, protein and carbohydrates in each food item. These numbers are based on experimental research on food substitution and weight loss/gain done in the late 1800s and early 1900s. The calorie counts for alcohol are similarly based on the measurable amount of alcohol in each drink, except that the number used (7 kcal per g) was just a complete guess on Atwater's part since they couldn't do equivalent substitution experiments involving booze.

Yeah, then get out of bed to pee like 4 times

A banana and a big handful of peanuts is a meal.

Add a porter or a stout and it's a 3 course dinner.

Drei bier ist auch ein schnitzel und dann hast du nichts getrunken.

Three beers are also a schnitzel and then you drank nothing.

I don't speak German, but this phrase spoke to me.

They are called "glazen bokes" here, glass sandwiches.

A trick as old as sumer