German jokes are the wurst
this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2026
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So there are actually some German wartime jokes that are actually quite funny. Here's some that I heard:
- " Where I live there's now a lot of warehouses, there were houses and there were houses, and there were houses!"
- "How can you tell an optimist from a pessimist? The optimist is learning English and the pessimist is learning Russian."
- One day at the barracks there was a soldier on his knees looking around the ground, picking up random papers he found and going "no, no that's not it". His officer asked what he was doing, "I'm looking for my special paper". He sent him to the doctor and he was declared insane, when the doctor gave him his discharge papers he explained "ah, there's my special paper!"
How would a German joke work based on english homonyms?
It's just a coincidence that the same words are homonyms in English and German in this case: "Warehouses" = "Warenhäuser", "There were houses" = "Dort waren Häuser". You don't even have to translate to colloquial German as the other comment suggests, a word-by-word translation works here.
You might like this (to be read aloud in French):
Un petit d'un petit
S'étonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! degrés te fallent
Indolent qui ne sort cesse
Indolent qui ne se mène
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout Gai de Reguennes.
Tap for spoiler
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mots_d%27Heures:_Gousses,_Rames:_The_d%27Antin_Manuscript
Wow ok that's clever
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So I went and googled it out of curiosity, after remembering that German for was/were (in some form anyway) is 'war'.
I found this in a thread about Downfall and a translated joke where someone was wondering what the original was:
The German pun uses 'Warenhaus' department store and "Da war 'n Haus" - "there was/used to be a house".
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English and German derive from a common root language, so I'd honestly be surprised if there weren't some that do.
Germans hate humor so much that hey renamed "The Simpsons" to "Die Simpsons!". "Die Simpsons!"!!
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That joke only works in German because "treffen" has two meanings: meet and hit.
Another German banger I heard awhile ago:
"Ask me if I'm a schoolbus."
"Are you a schoolbus?"
"No."
I'm sitting on the train by myself and cackling. I don't know why I find it so funny.
Found the German.
Hey now, the Germans take humour very seriously! It's no laughing matter.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they are an efficient people and lack a strong sense of humor
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German humor is no laughing matter.
Gottseidank heißt unser Führer nicht Kräuter. Sonst hieße es den ganzen Tag Heilkräuter! Heilkräuter!
Karl Valentin
Honestly I very much enjoy German humor, but I do understand why people don't always get it, because it comes in two distinct styles with (imho) vastly different qualities:
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Just plain silly (see: Otto Waalkes), can be good but it is often with such a heavy handed punchline that it just doesn't feel funny anymore. This is the only time people recognize that a German tried to be funny and it often lands flat for people with a more refined sense of humor.
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Irony and sarcasm, dark and extremely, extremely, sometimes unbearably dry. People who did not grow up with it will often not recognize that a joke has been made at all, because Germans are the kings of straight-face-delivery. This is where german humor hides its refinement and wit and since it's often undetectable, people imagine we're just not funny. But if you catch it, this shit is HILARIOUS.
Both kinds are rife with puns... I don't know why, but Germans love puns and considering the very complicated nature of the german language this also often passes by unnoticed with non-native speakers.
I'm of German descent on both sides of my family and I can confirm the dry, and sometimes dark humor.
My dad would drop drive-by jokes that you might not get for a couple of days.
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The funniest german joke is Deutsche Bahn...
My suggestion is to watch the documentary laughing with Hitler to see that not only do Germans have a scathing sense of humor, but also were willing to die for their jokes.
I’ve met many funny germans, and then 1 german guy who so perfectly fits the stereotype that I almost think its a bit in its own right.
Uwe Boll movies left a lasting scar on the image of Germans...
Zwei Kamele sitzen im Keller und hacken Petroleum. Sagt das eine zum anderen: "Du, morgen ist Weihnachen!". Sagt das andere: "Ich weiß, ich bin eh mit dem Fahrrad da."
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