You underestimate the murderous-ness of chickens.
this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2025
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Chickens are no joke. Theyre assholes too.
They're also tasty. I'm sure if it came down to it even a vegan wouldn't have many qualms about eating a supremely evil (but still tasty) chicken.
When you really think about it, dragons are just wealth-hoarding chickens.
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They know, in the depths of their evil little bird brains, that they are dinosaurs.
And what dino (deinos) stands for.
Something a little like this:
How does one piss off that many birds at once in that game?
I miss the class conscious cuckoos
If you attack the village chickens multiple times, this event triggers where many more spawn in and attack you. It's a thing in many Zelda games
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Reminder that this is a stealth mission. You're gonna want a stealthier animal than a chicken. Imagine crawling through the dark in tense silence, only to to given away by a loud BKAWK. Not even a hobbit could sneak further than Moria with that condition.
Furthermore; The One Ring's greatest limitation is that it cannot just sprout legs and run off. Even beings of higher intelligence can be bent and manipulated to the ring's will (IE its ultimate goal of returning to Sauron). Putting the thing on an animal sounds like the best opportunity one could give an evil, tangentially sentient piece of jewelry the option to pilot the poor creature like a meat-mech directly into Sauron's clutches at the first opportunity.
As an aside: the ring could not be worn by said animal, it would needs be lashed to it. Imagine keeping track of a chicken which is now invisible to normal people, and also lit up like a beacon to the eye of Sauron and his otherwise day-blind ring wraiths. Bad idea.
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how could it work?
whoever carries the chicken will be tempted by the ring and will likely kill the chicken in a fit of weakness
Yeah, Boromir was tempted by the ring just by proximity. Nevermind, how a person plans to make a chicken cooperate with heading into a blasted hellscape and up a volcano.
If that's the "plan", the smarter version is to just drag it in a bag behind you.
Every day the ring is passed to the next person in the rotation, out in the open and acknowledged by all. The new bearer has to pledge, "I definitely will not be a punk-ass bitch and try to keep the ring, and I promise to suck everyone's cock if I do. "
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Someone has never owned chickens. They are capable of unspeakable acts
I have a hen that’s pretty bossy but for god sakes don’t give it to a rooster. A rooster would be king of Mordor in a hot second.
This sounds like a clip from a LOTR × Ghostbusters crossover. They try using a trap but the One Ring upgrades the trap to catch almost any spirit or demon, including Balrogs, tempting the Ghostbusters to use it to capture Sauron, which, of course, is pure folly.
Someone never played Zelda and it shows.
Maybe they played it, but never repeatedly attacked cuckoos.
Did they really play it then?
That's way too deep for a weekend...
They’d have eaten the chicken pretty fast.
First day, second breakfast
Well, first of all, the ring makes you invisible
I thought it just exaggerated whatever traits your race naturally has. Hobbits are sneaky -> hobbitses go invisible
Now that you say it, I don’t remember the book ever really getting into what effects it might have on other races. All we know is it makes hobbits invisible, and that it had no effect whatsoever on Tom Bombadil. No one else got a chance to try it on if memory serves me correctly (the elves refused, the humans weren’t allowed, and the orcs never got near enough).
It’s been many years since I’ve read it however, so I’m happy to be corrected.
Sauron wore it in the great battle, and he was by all accounts visible, otherwise how could Isildor cut the finger off? That would be a very lucky swing if Sauron was invisible.
No, I think its power depends on the wearer. Frodo didn't want to be seen, so it made him invisible to everyone but Sauron, who understands its power.
The ring doesn't as much make you invisible as it transports you into the shadow realm. Sauron, however existed in both the real world and the shadow realm, so there was no transporting needing to happen there.
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Why let the chicken wear it? Frodo wore the ring on a necklace most of the time, why not do the same with the chicken?
Would it also make the leash invisible, because it's attached to the chicken? If so, would it also make Frodo invisible because he is holding the leash?
That’s a good question, but I don’t remember Bilbo having to strip naked after putting it on so he wouldn’t appear as a self-animated set of clothes floating around
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Do it Canadian style, with a Cobra Chicken.
There wouldn’t be anything else alive after that for sure.
One fowl to rule them all
why dont they render the ring unusable by putting it on a larger metal ring
put the larger ring on gollum as a fancy bdsm slave collar and throw the whole happy and docile sub gollum off an eagle into mount doom
edit: how to put the ring over gollums head? idk weld it together once he wears it
Onligatory "why not use the eagles" debate incoming
if eagles are out for lore reasons, a trebuchet with gollum payload works too
So there you are, an orc in mordor, on guard duty while sauron makes the rest of the army. It's pretty great being on guard duty, nobody bothers you and you've just caught a rabbit that you're now roasting on a small fire.
In the horizon a weird dude with a beard and a grey cape appears, he has several smaller humanoids with him ... and a trebuchet.
The trebuchet is launched and a small dude is flung above you. The projectile/dude is manically trying to open the box that he's apparently wearing as a hat?!?
You turn the rabbit, and when you look up again the guy has opened the box... Where did he go? You follow his path, and suddenly, next to the entrance to some random cave, you notice what could be the result of a small dude, with a metal box for a hat, hitting the side of the mountain. The sound hits your ears 2 seconds later. It's like both a thud, a clang, and a squish all at once.
Even at this distance you can see something in the mess. Something shiny that you for some reason just know isn't part of the box. You set off for the impact site.
What do you do now? If you want to investigate goto page 56 and if you want to alert the chain of command go to page 182.
I thought this was settled. In the immortal words of JRR Tokin:
It's been tried. Where do you think nazgǔl come from?
Why else did they have four hobbits in the fellowship?
You need a few spare mules in case you gotta put the first one down.
Kite-Man: Hell Yeah. The Anti-Life Equation infects a chicken, and it proceeds to murder a lot of people.
It finds a way.
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