this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2025
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Telling people what you want for your birthday feels weird though.
It feels like either we should be close enough that you can think about my hobbies, interests, and life and come up with something that fits, or we're not close and you get me something fun and generic and it's nice because I didn't expect anything from you.
But the middle ground of being like 'its your birthday and I'm willing to spend an amount of money that I won't really notice on you, but put in no mental effort whatsoever and in fact ask you to put in the mental effort of thinking of an appropriate gift" feels less like gift giving and more like making someone else do all the work so you can check a box.
You might think you know what they want and be totally wrong.
Asking never hurts. They can give you a list of options or say "whatever", but you don't have to be a baby about it.
If they say whatever, it just means they're letting you know you don't have to stress about it, but you should still make a genuine effort to get something they might want.
I'd rather see someone put in thought and effort and be wrong, then ask me to put in thought and effort and be right.
You're literally putting all the gift giving work on them by asking them to think of a gift that they might like, that someone else isn't likely to get them, and that would be in an appropriate price range for you.
If it's a one-off like 'hey, I'm really racking my brain this year and struggling coming up with a gift for you, got any ideas I can use as a jumping off point?' then it's one thing, if you're doing it for everyone, every year, then you're just throwing money at relationships, trying to give gifts without actually putting in the thought or effort that counts.
Well not everyone thinks like you
Everyone gets defensive when they feel criticized though.
You keep feeling superior, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing
So you admit I did hit a nerve? And this is about how you feel about your own gift giving habits? Because I'm not feeling superior, but you seem to think less of yourself now if you're putting me up there.
If that is what you want to take from my comment, go ahead