this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2025
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[–] GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world 261 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (14 children)

When I was fairly younger, I was in a relationship with a woman who told me that if she were to learn that I had sex with a man, especially bottoming but also topping (she didn't use those terms, she used bad terms), then she would feel disgusted and betrayed and would never feel attracted to me again or see me as a man again.

I said to her that I was disappointed in her, that she had internalised homophobia and that she was a massive hypocrite. Her self proclaimed best male friend presented to the world as flamingly gay, and she was openly bi herself, not as in "I would totally fuck women cause I like the idea of it", bus as in she had fucked women before and would do it again. Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not.

So...yeah, you can be a loudly proclaimed ally AND a member of the LGBTQ community yourself, and still be a disgusting homophobe right alongside the best of bigots.

[–] hushable@lemmy.world 104 points 8 hours ago (4 children)

I have a similar story to share.

When I was in my early 20s I briefly dated a girl who told me she was having feelings for another woman and was being curious, she eventually broke up with me in order to be with her, but we remained good friends after that.

Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship all even yelled some slurs at me.

AFAIK she's married with a guy and has kids now

[–] GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world 9 points 5 hours ago

Sorry you had to experience this bullshit. I think people like that lack the emotional intelligence to see other people as equals. Instead they only value them as much as whatever personal satisfaction they extract out of them. Intrinsically you've lost nothing of value that day, but I know the sudden betrayal of the friendship you thought you had can be shocking and hurtful.

[–] dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 9 points 6 hours ago

Maybe calling women lesbians instead of gay allows people to be homophobic while accepting lesbians. After all, the word was invented by men who thought women couldn't be gay the way men can.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 40 points 8 hours ago

Wow, that's some intense double standards there.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship

Can't really imagine it. Even stubborn homophobes do not end friendship over someone coming out. A lot of them just become curious and eventually accepting. Am not LGBTQ+ though, so my judgement is kinda not reliable, but still.

The woman you're talking about is exceptionally weird and she can go fuck herself

[–] Red_October@piefed.world 18 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

It's adorable that you think "stubborn homophobes" wouldn't end a friendship over someone coming out. I genuinely wish they did just become curious and eventually accepting, instead of immediately rejecting and intimidating and expressing feelings of disgust and revulsion.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 6 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

In my 20s I was this homophobe until a friend came up to me. Maybe it's my projection, idk

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago

Yeah no i think you just valued that friendship, or your homophobia wasn't as deep as many's.

[–] porksnort@slrpnk.net 22 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Your experience is valid, as it happened to you and none of us in this thread were there probably anyway.

In my experience, friends don’t end friendships over homophobia. They just suddenly become very busy and they have less and less time to spend with the person who comes out as bi.

‘Bi erasure’ is such a common phenomenon that we invented the term ‘bi erasure’.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 4 points 3 hours ago

Also I come from a different background to the most of those who are here. In Russia, we have this state propaganda that seals homophobia and since nobody is trusting the government propaganda, a lot of people are simply curious what it is to be gay (or bi, trans). And homophobia is not typical to what I hear from my peers in the west: it often has somewhat patronizing form of "don't you know that if you say you're gay, you'll get a lot of trouble". It was literally the thing I said to a lovely gay couple when we went to the bar in Saint Petersburg.

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