this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 20 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

3 would get you through almost any door. Definitely my choice.

7 though, this would make you a star in the DEA. Imagine seeing inside everyone's tires, and then you find one you can't see inside. "Whatcha got in those tires, son?" I'm sure there could be other uses.

2, you could run a business on free gravel but you're mostly paying for processing and delivery so you would only have a small edge on your competition. It's still a lot of work and big heavy expensive trucks.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago

Depends on what is meant by "free gravel", though. Given the effects of the other pills, it gives me the impression I can just summon gravel on command. In which case, I'd only have to pay for my own transportation.

[–] WelcomeBear@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

I thought the same thing about 3 until I realized that I’m more than 7 inches tall/wide/deep, so I can’t actually pass through anything, just get horribly mangled when I make it halfway through the door.

Now here’s the million dollar question: how many times per second can I teleport? Because if I can teleport at let’s say 1khz… now we’re talking

[–] moopet@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 day ago (2 children)

ANY toaster. If you go to a wedding or any formal event with drinks, you can control whoever's giving the toast. That could be pretty powerful.

[–] Neverclear@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago

Also, anything that generates enough heat in the presence of bread is, in fact, a toaster.

Puppeteering at its finest.

[–] Award2242@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Putting a toaster inside a robot so I can control it with my mind and have an army of these

[–] TheGuyTM3@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

3 and 5 can be overpowered if the superpower has no cooldown or limit

2, 7, 8 can assure you big wealth in some jobs

1, 4, 6 doesn't appear to be very useful, and having a second nose could be quite inconvenient on the forehead, in the armpit or above the arse, while being very parasocial

9: While i think running at the speed of albert einstein relative to the earth would be kind of meh, i would reconsider if it is Albert's running speed relative to the moon

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Teleport 7 inches away easy lock in:

Teleport up 7 inches on a generator perpetual motion machine.

Walk through thin walls / safes.

Repeatedly teleport forwards never have to walk again.

Teleport out of bed every morning.

Teleport out of clothes at night / sexy times

Look cool AF.

[–] I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Unless your body is less than 7 inches wide, all but the first and third one of those is going to involve nightmarish scenarios of walls, clothes, etc. getting stuck in your body.

[–] sausager@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Does momentum reset after a teleport? Could I jump off a cliff and teleport left and right like going down stairs?

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[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Hell, not even that. You could become a world class boxer or UFC fighter. You can basically slip any punch or attack instantly and you can teleport your fists into the sweet spot to score a knockout. You would be an amazing baseball player as well, you can teleport to perfectly hit any ball at just the right angle. As a quarterback you would be insane too, you can readjust to any play instantly. In fencing you'd basically be unstoppable, you can dodge everything. For any sport or physical activity being able to teleport 7 inches is insanely overpowered. The person who came up with this doesn't play any sports.

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Free gravel for life could be a game changer.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You still pay the shipping fees.

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

The pill said nothing about that.

[–] BootLoop@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Okay, I'll bite this time.

  1. Don't see any use.
  2. Sell gravel. Become rich.
  3. If no cooldown you can spam and teleport anywhere as long as there's a path between A and B
  4. Not sure.
  5. Turning on every toaster in the world at the same time would probably cripple the various power grids globally.
  6. If it stacks you could look quite young.
  7. Could probably make some money checking if safes are empty or not. Doesn't say anything about distance. Could remotely check containers for people. Depends as well on the definition of empty.
  8. Would be hugely beneficial to some archeologists.
  9. For anyone who is unable to walk currently this would be good. What happens if you cut your legs off? Can you fly afterwards?
[–] No_Eponym@lemmy.ca 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
  1. Don't see any use.

  1. ~~Not sure~~ Might be useful, but who nose.

FTFY

  1. ...Depends as well on the definition of empty.

"Yep, another container that does not contain a perfect vacuum. Should have taken the free gravel pill..."

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[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Can I take a pill that gives me a whole sub for discussing these?

[–] recently_Coco@lemmy.blahaj.zone 35 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I could do so much with free gravel, you have no idea.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago

If you have even the most-basic business sense, this instantly turns you into an uber-wealthy gravel tycoon.

[–] zod000@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 day ago (4 children)

I would be the Gravel King. You need gravel, you come to me. I would be a benevolent king though. I would grant gravel to those that need it.

[–] Fenrisulfir@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 day ago

Exactly. This one is infinite money glitch

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[–] bampop@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Are we talking about Albert Einstein in his prime, or Albert Einstein now?

[–] Limonene@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Could we put Einstein's bones in a centrifuge, and run at 200km/h?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 1 day ago

Free gravel, then sell it. Just make sure to not summon too much gravel so the price doesn't go down.

[–] 1995ToyotaCorolla@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The teleport 7 inches thing might be nice for getting through locked doors

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 day ago (9 children)

I worry about those who are thicker than 7 inches. That might cause some Cloverfield Paradox shit, where your innards wind up fuzed with a door. Skinny folks only.

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (7 children)

3 means general immunity to locked doors and restraints

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[–] nathanjent@programming.dev 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Gravel is basically free already. The real cost is putting it where you want it to be.

[–] tempest@lemmy.ca 15 points 1 day ago

I mean that is the best pill. It's like inheriting a free quarry. I could instantly undercut every other quarry and would not need to maintain any of the crushers or land to provide any type of gravel.

I'm definitely choosing that one for sure.

[–] brap@lemmy.world 158 points 2 days ago (9 children)

Easy, free gravel. Become a gravel salesman.

Would be interesting to see how it appears though. Can I get to just point to a spot and suddenly gravel? If so, charge people for the show too. Just rock up to their house, point at the driveway and boom, gravel. Easy money.

Added bonus: don’t like someone? Boom, house literally full of gravel.

Gravel.

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[–] BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

This free gravel, can I summon it whenever and wherever I want, or do I have to wait for it to be delivered? If it’s the latter, I will take Khitan. Resurrecting a dead language sounds fun.

[–] Tetragrade@leminal.space 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (6 children)
  1. It still allows you to determine whether containers are empty, which is situationally useful.
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[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] _AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Albert Einstein can probably run faster than me honestly so I'm going with that

[–] synapse1278@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] _AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 hours ago

He just wants you to think that

[–] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 93 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (9 children)

Free gravel is so busted compared to the rest. Gravel's one of those things that you don't need often, but someone in any town on any given day will need some.

You could undercut every single other gravel business. Even if the competitions lowers their prices dramatically, they can't go lower than their costs. Meanwhile, you have absolutely no costs on material. Gravel monopoly.

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[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Could definitely use free gravel

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I am pretty sure you can sell gravel soooo

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[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 31 points 2 days ago (6 children)

7 inch teleport sounds genuinely useful in a fight. Also, couldn't you just keep teleporting 7 inches? It might still be faster and easier than running.

On the other hand, infinite gravel...

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[–] Bamboodpanda@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Free Gravel?

This one is clearly the best choice. That shit is expensive!

Start a gravel business, destroy the competition, and create a gravel empire.

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