My kid is 3 but this has been a big issue on my mind lately. I’ve read The Anxious Generation, The Screentime Solution, and The Art of Screentime over the past 9 months (with some other tech-adjacent books). My husband has also recently had a turn-around on tech for kids. I think our big thing is no personal devices for the little one for a long time. Family computer in a common area. Family cellphone that can be used when she’s not with us. Family tv in the living room. Family iPad that is used for specific tasks.
this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
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VPNs as soon as they can tap a screen. Raise them with online pseudonyms they change annually. They don't learn their actual PII until they're at least 10. Can't give it out to strangers if you don't know it yourself!
I like and understand where you're going, but I can offer some actual experience. I learned my legal first name at 8.
It didn't go down well (I cried because the teacher didn't call my name and sent me to the school office to get it sorted) and I had a weird complex about the real name into high school. There's no rhyme or reason to the two names, so it is actually sort of surprising to pair the two. To this day I still go by the nickname I thought was my real name. My nieces and nephews still enjoy discovering my real name and calling me by it thinking it's a big secret they've discovered. I still have to explain it a hundred times a year to new coworkers and acquaintances.
If I wanted to raise superhumans, I'd simply not give them smartphones until they turned 18.
If you wanted to socially stunt them maybe. Please never do this.
As an old fart who witnessed social gatherings for decades, it looks like social stunting comes from smartphones rather than their absence.
When you were growing up there were places you could go to be social without phones. Those don't exist anymore. You can't go to the mall and meet strangers, that would be weird and creepy. If you turn 21, bars do not have young people in them, they are for older people.
There is nowhere gen z people can go to meet other gen z people except online.
I know there is an exception somewhere but for the vast majority of young people today that's the truth.
We didn't 'go' places. We just wandered around. Not quite this long ago, but like this (source):
Genz is 13 to 29 nowadays. Kids that age today are alpha.
Also kids that age in the photo unsupervised today can get their parents arrested.
This is correct from your perspective only.
Young people are still social but they do it differently, if you are no not online you wouldn’t know their is a social gathering nor would you be invited. Not from malace but because all information about any event only exists online.
The person you consider your best friend needs someone to talk to. All their friends are available but not you. You become hard to bond with because your not where everyone else is in digital space.
Many events even require smartphone, even boring restaurants sometimes do with a QR code to see the menu/order.
I hate that kind of stuff but since a few years it has become clear that not having a smartphone is basically a social disability.
I understand that it is harder to bond to someone who isn't immediately digitally available. I understand that "kids these days! " do their social stuff online, but at the same time, they seem to have largely lost all skill at interacting with real humans of slight or no aquaintence.
It is easy to make sarcastic comments on your phone about how stupid this or that is. The sterotypical basement dweller can snark all day. What takes social skill is actively engaging with people you don't care about and finding common ground.
Yes, digital people track some of this on facebook and such, but in real life: in which community groups do they participate? Do they know what their neighbors do and what they like beyond snapshots of events? That is: yeah, they saw that pic of that cookout, but did they know that he volunteer teaches English as a second language Tuesday and Thursday at the library? When was the last time they went into a neighbor's home (or had one visit theirs) to share a cup of coffee and complain about that road that needs fixing and who to push about it?
Edited to replace 'you' with 'they' so there'd be no confusion that I mean multiple 'you' readers rather than a single person.
Do you realize how hostile the outside is to non-adults? Like genuinely I've seen people call the cops because there was a kid riding a bike unsuprivized in a suburban neighborhood. Malls are dying and there's nothing to replace them as a meeting spot.
This isn't even getting into the seeming requirement to spend what feels like 100$ to see a movie now or any of the other stereotypical hang outs. Or how many people have parents that simply do not have time to drive them places.
I'm genuinely interested in your response because I genuinely think the world has become actively hostile to kids being kids.
I think we need to unruin outside for the kids. I don't care about phones
Sadly this doesn't work unless the entire community in your area also does the same. Because your kid will be the only one in their entire school without a phone and they will be constantly bullied, and socially ostricized.
Or don't send your kids to public school to get bullied and shot
It seems great at first, but lack of socialization is a huge problem. Don't get me wrong, I hate public school, but even as someone who went to public school and even I still have problems with socialization. I can only imagine home schooling would be worse.
And do you even have time to curate their home-school learning materials? I mean I manage to learn a lot by myself from reading a lot of science, politics, history, and articles on various topics on the internet, but are most kids gonna be intetested in that? Or are they just gonna browse tiktok all day? (Since you're gonna need to be at work and you can't watch them all day)
The middle-ground would be for parents to create their own sort of private school, but then that's gonna need a lot of funding, and its basically only viable for rich people (or at least "middle class" people), its not an option if you're broke as fuck. Also, running your own "ghetto" school (for lack of a better word) is really gonna get the authorities on the radar, and you have a lot of legal liability issues if kids start fighting each other or get sick, especially if you cannot even afford to cover legal funds to defend your little "private school" organization.
You can even end up like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1985_MOVE_bombing
"Phone goes in the locker before bed, Johnny."
"Johnny goes into the locker before bed, Phone."
Another rule: Don't let your kid share his face. Ever. For any reason.
If YouTube wants his face, just buy VPN so your kid can browse safely
What about onlinebanks? Also a hard no?
Have an adult handle the account. Simple as. They set it up and manage the account to ensure their kids privacy to as much of a degree as they can.
Why will a kid need to open an online bank account?
Because some day they will be an adult who needs to know how to do things like buy groceries and pump gas. Hell, a 16 year old can have a car and a job, but not be allowed to pay for anything?
edit: that said , I'll be using AI generated faces for everything.
Get a regular bank account
Try reading this article, VPNs don't make you more private they just shift the trust model away from your ISP https://www.matyaskoszegi.com/post/vpns-your-privacy-savior-or-just-another-creepy-middleman
You're missing the point. If your location is outside of UK YouTube and others don't ask for age verification. Noo need to send your child pics to some creepy middle man
@Gsus4 Well then where do you want them to masterbate while they watch porn?
I'm the living room, ofc. Shared family experiences for everyone
Sounds stupid as fuck