Tugboater203

joined 3 years ago
sorted by: new top controversial old
76
Did you know that if you go to bed in a full suit of armor.... (lemmy.world)
 

You get a good knights sleep.

262
I told my wife that I can speak with fruits, so she handed me a small orange and said "What's this one saying? ". I replied... (lemmy.world)
 

I don't know, it's speaking mandarin.....๐ŸŠ

115
They closed the bridge over my local road a few days ago... (lemmy.world)
 

I still can't get over it

Where's the best place in Canada to see Bigfoot? in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

I haven't seen TPB so I had to Google that.

64
Where's the best place in Canada to see Bigfoot? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by Tugboater203@lemmy.world to c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
4 comments fedilink
 

Sasquatchewan! ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ

117
Last night my wife was mumbling how she was born in 1892 and wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.... (lemmy.world)
 

I knew she was Tolkien in her sleep

73
What do you call fairy tales told really, really fast? (lemmy.world)
 

ASAP's Fables

173
I know a guy who read 12.5% of the Bible... (lemmy.world)
 

He's an eightheist....

164
My wife says I'm getting fat but in my defence.... (lemmy.world)
 

There's been a lot on my plate lately...

I met a genie and he granted me 1 wish. I said "I wish I could be you". He replied... in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Make up joke to atone for the repost.

https://lemmy.world/post/47707148

115
Genie granted me one wish, but with a condition that my enemy will get two times more. (lemmy.world)
 

I asked for 120/80 blood pressure

I met a genie and he granted me 1 wish. I said "I wish I could be you". He replied... in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Ahh, I missed that, I'll dig up another one.

We had 2 Kings and 3 Queens come in to our home the other day. There was barely enough room for everyone.... in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

No there were a few wild cards in there

54
We had 2 Kings and 3 Queens come in to our home the other day. There was barely enough room for everyone.... (lemmy.world)
 

It was a full house.

192
I found $20 in the parking lot the other day and asked myself " what would Jesus do?".... (lemmy.world)
 

So I turned it into wine

I'm giving up on geometry jokes for now... in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
67
I'm giving up on geometry jokes for now... (lemmy.world)
 

I'll circle back later

Why do German cats live forever? in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
Why do German cats live forever? in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

It was an expected risk, posting a joke in a language I don't sprechen.

What do you call a cow with no legs? in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Anything you want be he won't come.

What do you call a cow with no legs? in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

What do you call a cow that had an abortion?

De-calfinated

I invented a thought controlled air freshener... in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

At least Lemmy lets you edit that, thanks!

I bought a new taser the other day but discovered I was holding it wrong..... in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was too

Remember when using Botox was kind of taboo? in c/dadjokes@lemmy.world
[โ€“] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (8 children)

For sure, it makes one stop and think if you're intentionally injection anything with "Toxin" in the name into your face

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