What is the real difference between 'fuck" and 'frak'? Or 'god damn' and 'gosh darn'. They mean the exact same thing but one is bad and one is fine? That's just dumb.
We don't censor our kids except by situation. They can swear at home but not at school, for example. But that's mostly because of how general society perceives swear words and not the words themselves.
Words are given power through meaning. We teach our kids about meaning. And words to hurt others are not allowed. Saying fuck is fine but calling someone a fucker is not. But we don't allow them to call someone stupid, either.
Racist/dehumanizing words have power through meaning, not really the words themselves. The words just end up changing because those racists still want to convey what they mean. Teach people to be better about the meaning of what they say, not the specific words they use.
So it's ok for your kids to use the words but you just don't swear in front of them? Isn't that just being a passive parent?
We don't judge other parents for the choices they make, and in fact we teach our kids to not swear in front of other kids. But that's no different then speech used with friends and speech used in a professional setting. Everyone adjusts their speech by setting.
We do teach not just by example but by also making sure they understand the meaning they are trying to convey. For ALL words. The difference between the meaning of racist words and non-disparaging swear words is an ocean. Swear words are really just regular words while racist words are meant to hurt someone. We don't allow any words that are meant to hurt, no matter what that word actually is.
To me using frak, heck, gosh, darn, etc is the exact same as the equivalent swear words.
Allowing swears also takes away their taboo nature. My wife's nephew was brought up the same way and was the only one in his friend group to NOT get in trouble for swearing at school. He knew the time and place.
To me, teaching to base language on the meaning and not word itself is the opposite of lazy.