this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2026
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And I appreciate your reply, though I do disagree.
(and for what its worth, i didnt downvote you)
I follow your food allergy metaphor, but this makes sense analogously only if you essentially do not view sex as any more sacred, or complex and meaningful, than food... you view it only as basic human need that is not entwined with the very emotional structure of a relationship.
Say that you're both ostensibly members of a religion that forbids eating pork, or you're both fairly hardcore vegans, and you in particular are also allergic to pork.
If your partner goes out and eats pork, away from you, yes this is not literally directly harmful to you, but it betrays the values that you both ostensibly claim to believe in.
Furthering the analogy, the partner could just say they're not a member of that religion, or they're not a vegan, or they have different interpretations of the concepts of those... and then you could say:
'well, the beliefs that I have are important to me, and I thought that you had those same beliefs, and that they were important to you to... so if you do not have those beliefs, we should probably not be a couple.'
So, you have clarified your line of thinking, your preference or worldview or what you want to call it, but you have not explained how the preference or worldview that I explained is unethical.
I don't inherently think that ENM or poly or relationship anarchy are inherently impossible to do ethically... I think they are difficult to do ethically, without causing a ton of drama, a lot of emotional distress and complexity.... but i do not think they are just de facto unethical in concept.
I do agree with you that monogamous relationships very often are problematic in that they come with baggage by way of people having unstated assumptions of what the roles and rules are.
But this can be solved with forthright communication and actually discussing with the partner what those roles and rules are or should be.
That goes the same for nonmonogamous relationships, they're just inherently more complex as they involve more people.
Tons of people are, imo, not emotionally mature enough, not honest enough with themselves, do not have the communication skills required to be in any kind of a serious relationship, monogamous or otherwise.
Why on Earth would anyone who isn't indoctrinated into a religion ever think that sex is more sacred than any other form of human interaction?
'Sacred' has a more colloquial meaning, and is more broad than purely as part of a religious doctrine.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sacred
I also provided a secondary phrase after that word, with or preceding it, to specify what I meant.
So my question stands. I knew what you meant, now explain why sex is a special sphere of human activity that is materially different from any other human interaction without resorting to magical thinking.
... Wow, you're serious.
Uh, because it engenders a whole bunch of deep emotions / massive and unique neurochemical responses in people, particularly it plays a massive role in regulating oxytocin, and plays a considerable role in creating stable pair bonding between two people.
https://mindlabneuroscience.com/brain-chemicals-during-sex/
I'm genuienly baffled that you need this explained to you.
Apologies for using shorthand to refer to a whole bunch of complex neurochemistry, I'll be sure to spell out the details next time.
Lol, somebody's never had a coked out bathroom hookup and it's kinda sad.
Sex can involve that kind of intimacy. So can a really deep conversation while cuddling. Sex doesn't have to involve that kind of intimacy, and would be far less likely to as a whole if idiots would stop teaching children it's a special and magical thing that should be sacrosanct if not being used for "creating a stable pair bond".
This kind of thinking is one half a step removed from "sex is so special and magical that people who have it in a different way than me are perverts and should be imprisoned or executed", or the flip side of that same impulse: "sex is so special and magical that the women I want to have sex with should be held in a gilded prison guarded by eunuchs to ensure only I ever fuck them".