563
most perverted men are actually very vanilla and run away when faced with a perverted woman
(lemmy.world)
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
563 points (92.7% liked)
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Matching freaks is hard.
Kink is a spectrum, and I haven't been exploring it for a few years, but from what I remember, the various communities of kink are always mismatched.
There are always more straight-sub-men than there are straight-dom-women. This compounds when you realize that usually those sub men are looking for certain types of play that the doms aren't into. Dommy mommies and such.
Like, I think of the feminization community. It's hard to find people who like feminization, but DON'T also like cuck play, or race-cuck play, which to me is gross but is a major aspect of that community for many.
Non-binary and Lesbians seemed to do okay though. At least in my city.
Yeah, as a lesbian sub I've noticed one big problem facing straight male subs is a lot of dominant women interested in men get burnt out of the community by bad experiences pretty quickly.
I think it's partly that yeah ime a lot of dominant straight women are looking for someone masculine, competent, and submissive, while the men tend to be looking more for degradation and caretaking, and neither group seems to be great at finding compromise, and the men often don't notice what the women are looking for.
But also, bad subs abound. And it's not just men. I used to switch, but bad experience not related drove me away from it, and around the time I was considering dominance again a submissive woman violated my boundaries to the point IDK if I'll ever be comfortable domming again. I've watched other women have similar experiences with one friend have a string of male subs make her decide to look for submissive men in the non kink scene.
And yeah, what I've seen of the feminization types is a real mix of yikes and eggs. Even if I were into men, domming, and feminization I'd be hesitant to get into that can of worms.
Yup, gotta say that it took a few years after being a pro with men that I felt any urge to domme ... and now I'm looking for a compatible fem sub I'm not keeping my hopes up
Oof yeah from what I've seen pros typically get really jaded, and that tends to either screw with their desire to dom or get them weird about it. Which like makes perfect sense from everything I've seen and heard.
And yesh finding a compatible partner can be very difficult. I lucked out and on my first date with my wife told her that part of what I wanted from life was lifestyle power exchange and she'd never even realized that was what she wanted.
But yeah in addition to compatibility issues, I've noticed over the years that a lot of subs are just awful at selling themselves to dommes.
You really lucked out there!
It's funny, I tried to explain to my wife on our first date and she totally didn't understand the concept of BDSM ... to her it was something baddies did on TV.
Yet we settled into lifestyle D/s everywhere apart from the bedroom, lol