this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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Haha sorry in advance for a long response, I love psychology and am a strong male mental health advocate :) TL;DR: I don't have the answers, its getting better societally but that doesn't solve it at an individual level, I believe loneliness and being heard are major contributing factors.
I'm hard pressed to give you a good answer on that. I think it's more socially acceptable for men to have feelings, but maybe it's hard for the crop of men 30+ to understand that due to their upbringing, and seek help (it's getting much better for Gen Z, I understand). So maybe the options are there, but the "man up" mindset persists?
There may also be an individual element to it - the willingness to learn about our own feelings after decades of "man up" can be perplexing at best (I've been blessed with some wonderful women in my life and it is still in my blindspot all the time). I understand there are also many women that expect their men to "man up", not to say that's the norm though.
I don't have a good answer for you on the last point either. I think go to therapy is great, but i find that being male and our problems can be wildly isolating and lonely experiences - being told to go to therapy is kind of "take your feelings over there". At the same time, until men are able to build healthier communication with their loved ones, I think it won't be solved (which is where therapy does help).
I would also think that this "men-up"-mentality is a generational thing and eventually (hopefully) dies out soon (in men and women and anything inbetween). In order for that to happen it would probably help not to reproduce and repeat the belief that the mentality persists (for example by sharing memes that suggest otherwise...maybe i can help with that). You know... be the change you wanna see.
I guess there is also a nasty trend of going backwards and anti-DEI all over the world (in my understanding the E in DEI is suppose to also cover that whole male-mental-health inequality aspect) so that doesn't help.
Regarding the response "go to therapy": i was told the same thing several times and it sometimes felt like "i don't want to listen to your problems anymore" or "go fix yourself, you're not functioning like you're supposed to" and that does hurt. As i grew older i realized that these responders usually mean well and probably were overwhelmed themselves or were simply unable to help or didn't feel qualyfied enough to help. So the message they were unable to transport probably was something arround: "i care for your feelings and i am here for you but also i have limits to be respected and i want you to get the best help you need. Sadly i can not provide this, so i would suggest to seek help of a professional. I will help you as best as i can to make this happen"
Another aspect is (I'm not trying to derail now, or use whataoutism this is just sideaspect or orverlapping development) the somewhat common expectation that women are expected to do care work or emotional labour for free, which sometimes gets disappointed. And maybe there is a trend of women being less willing to do so nowadays. I don't know If that makes sense and one would have to look at actual data on this but i don't even know which field of study collects data on this topic.
any way it seems to be a somewhat complex topic but i stand with the believe that memes shape perception of the world and one can use that to also shape that stupid society for the better (i know i am heavily overestimating the power of memes but one can hope and dream :))
It isn't generational. My great grandfather was told to man up on his way to Guadalcanal, my grandfather was told to "man up" on his way to Korea, my uncle was told to man up on his way to Vietnam, and my cousin was told to man up on his way to Iraq.
My great grandfather was told to man up on the farm. My grandfather was told to man up at his job at the factory. My uncle told to man up at his job in the machine shop. I was told to man up at my job in the hangar. The crops needed harvesting, these TVs need to get made, these engines need to get built, these planes need to be back in the air. Physically demanding work in uncomfortable conditions often around unhealthy substances.
The uncomfortable truth is, society depends utterly and completely on men manning up. Putting the wants, needs and demands of others above their own safety and comfort. Particularly as basically all infrastructure jobs are done by men, there aren't many female coal miners, oil drillers, construction workers, powerplant operators, linemen, millbillies, electricians, dockworkers, sailors, truckers, rail engineers, pilots, mechanics etc. There is no room on this earth for a man to squeal about breaking a nail or getting metal splinters in his eyes. Everyone everywhere will always demand that men man up. After all, nobody else is going to.