this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2026
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Oh yeah I'm old lol. RLE is short for Real Life Experience. The long and short of it is many therapists used to make you live as your identified gender full time for a period of time before they would write you a letter of recommendation to start hormones. And back then you couldn't get hormones without that letter, it acted as a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. The rise of the modern informed consent model is something I transitioned during about 11 years ago and it was kinda a huge deal.
But yeah as an old comic I spent too long looking for before deciding I probably shouldn't link it anyways said, RLE more or less functioned as hazing for trans people by the medical establishment. Even as late as the early 10s you might be denied hormones for not transitioning to hetero (or bi depending on the therapist) or for not dressing exaggeratedly enough (in the mid teens a friend got refused a letter because she didn't wear makeup or skirts to appointments).
I actually had that happen with my therapist, I refused to do so until they caved in. I wore a skirt and lipstick to appointments online, even though I'd normally not have done so. I hate having to put myself into an arbitrary box because others are narrowminded.
I wanted to do the RLE only accompanying with hormones (and even then, I felt the RLE shouldn't be a thing and is a barrier to push for being harassed). I felt it too scary to be dressed in an affirming way while I still looked the "wrong gender for my clothes" (and I thought it'd give me harassment). Women get harassed regardless of what they dress, so I didn't want to imagine what it would be like, appearing masc still and having to dress feminine. I want to do that at my own pace, thankyouverymuch.
I think that that's why it's so important to let people decide for themselves. The hormones should be over the counter and people should be able to try them out for at least a few months, with informed consent.
When I finally got the hormones, that was such BIG relief honestly. I nowadays manage to pass more and more and get gendered right, so I'm very happy about that.
Yeah I lucked out and had a decent therapist. I was afraid to shave my denial beard until I'd started hormones because everyone was going to ask about it (I'd been incredibly vocal about it during my egg days, it also hid my face from me). I wanted to be too late to stop when I came out. And yeah dressing feminine while masculine looking is fucking scary, and it's even scarier to do it as a trans woman who can't just brush it off as "fuck you and fuck gender expectations that's why" or as a gag. I also was very uncomfortable because my experiments with feminine clothing had been extremely dysphoria inducing. It served as a reminder that my body wasn't the way I wanted, and I was too broke for stuff like breast forms. Add in that I was young enough to get some huge changes if I could get hrt ASAP (I actually managed to get on before my hip bones fused).
If hrt had been available over the counter I probably would've started it before I'd even called to make an appointment. Hell my state barely even had hrt doctors back at that time.
Hell I didn't learn makeup aside from eyeliner until I was recovering from bottom surgery
To be fair, my therapist place is chill too, but on that one regard they were a bit stuck. It's unfortunate as they're one of the best in the country for this stuff.
Also, heh, yeah, the denial beard... I had that too, and exercised extra for the masculine muscles in denial.
Yeah exactly, I had the same! I felt like dressing femme while still looking masculine, was like an extra slap in the face that it still didn't "match". It was nice, but it was at the same time... yeah no. For the breast forms, hugs. I would've gotten them for you - I have some that I no longer need.
And god, I'm jealous - you got the hrt before the hip bones fused?? Damn. I actually considered HRT when I was 23 (that's at the border), but unfortunately I wasn't sure whether my family would've been accepting. In hindsight they were, but god, I waited too long... though better late than never. I unironically would consider hip and pelvic widening surgery if that existed.
And yeah same, I'd have started HRT before even appointing if it were over the counter. Fuck the cistem.
I did learn to do makeup, but I don't bother with eyeliner myself because I find it a hassle. Lipstick and mascara, maybe some foundation, and that's it for me, basically.
Thank you for explaining.
I'm sorry you had to struggle.
I'm glad that (if I understand correctly and please let me know if I don't) that you get to be you.
Oh absolutely and sorry if I was kinda downery about it, I had it easy, not as easy as some, but those who came before did important work. I just think as someone who transitioned in a different time it's important to not let our history be forgotten, especially as many who experienced it learned to be less loud about it
Please don't apologize.
History is important for everyone to remember, I agree.