this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2026
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god hates cripples
What if the stairway to heaven is paved with dicks?
this is why heaven is full of lesbians
I skim read at first and I thought he was going to help the masturbator to jerk off
Yeah I still don't get it after re-reading. So the "true Christian" is a guy who doesn't masturbate, so Jesus wants to save his life (but not the sinful masturbator's life)? If so, anyone who paid attention in bible class would know that's total BS. Jesus dines with the sinners and wants to help them.
It's more a comment on the current American interpretation of Jesus, especially those on billboards etc. There's no real abortion hatred in the Bible either; people usually just use the scripture about god knowing them in the womb, despite a supposed abortion remedy being in the Bible, or Exodus 21:22-24 where the baby dying is only a fine but any damage to the pregnant woman is repaid in kind (eye for eye, tooth for tooth, death for death).
There's also the abortion ritual from the bible
That's what they were talking about with the first part. It sounds like a ritual because of the language used, but it's literally just an herbal remedy.
Tbf it's from a satire site 🤣 check it out for yourself
gave it the Lemmy kiss of death?
well now I def can't stop master debating.
Let Jesus take the... rudder?
Nope. It's way dumber
Then I’ll crank my hog in hell, brother!
Sure, I'm the sinner, but Mr. Omniscient over there knows what I'm about to do and still watches.
They say you're supposed to be like Jesus, but apparently me watching porn like He watches us, doesn't count.
Guys, you shouldn't masturbate while experiencing cardiac arrest.
don't tell me what to do
If you want it to look authentic they would have definitely capitalized the c.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus.
The Masturbator