The OOP boilerplater is the only one with a job.
this post was submitted on 11 Jan 2026
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Imperative stonager works there too. You've just never seen him because he hasen't accepted a meeting invite is 14 years.
You've just never seen him because he hasen't accepted a meeting invite is 14 years.
And counting!
I like the functional parts of C♯, though.
This. I've been writing some game mods in it recently and LINQ is... pretty nice. switch expressions, too.
This is coming from a dude formerly from the "OOP Boilerplater" camp, though, so maybe I just have low standards.
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Watches Computerphile, thinks it's actual programming
What is this even supposed to imply
Yeah, I'm kinda confused by that one too—Computerphile is CS theory, not software engineering.
I think, the point is Haskell is more CS theoretical than practical language and anyone who uses it (or any other FP) has never written a single line of production code (the last statement is even in the meme)
Personally, I love that series. I guess whoever made this meme thinks people who watch the show are trying to implement their code examples in production.
book bad
I feel like the author is a MacBook user.
Imperative stoneagers getting an old MacBook from somewhere and going "huh, I guess its UNIX" is probably true though
I was triggered at every panel, it's unacceptable!
Hear me out:
Mixing OOP and functional code to abstract the shit out of everything making 5k loc in around 500 loc in java. You can do magic using this trick.
Functional programming in Java is kind of an afterthought and it shows. That's one of the reasons why Scala was created!
The FP in Java is still leagues better than whatever the C++ committee cooked up.
Just let C++ die already, and stop pretending it's a reasonable thing to compare other languages with.
If you can't do it in C, you are better in Java, Python, Haskell, whatever.
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Yeah, Scala is the GOAT, but while I can't use, why not final everything, use 300 streams and pass Suppliers around?
(I'm building a lot of libraries at work)
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I don't belong to any of the above. Am I even a programmer at this point?
I belong to all of them. Same question.
Oh, I guess I'm a stoneager with a penchant for functional elitism then.
Though I will admit OOP is valid for involved data modelling, everything else should be functional though.
I've also trained myself out of most short variable names for maintainability reasons
Outside of the for loop counters i and j, short variable names are awful. Coming back to old code written with abr var nams is like talking to someone in the military who just constantly throws out jargon and acronyms that they know you don't know.
But so are Java style ObserverFactoryManagerTemplateMachinistTemplater names.
There's a sweet middle ground of short, but actually descriptive name. Sometimes it's not possible but that's usually a code organization / language / framework smell.
Too short variable names is usually a sign that you need to use a proper ide, with auto complete, or that you need to use a proper build process that will minify your code after the fact.
Too long names are usually a sign that your module of code (function, class, namespace, etc) is too large, or that your language/framework naming conventions are too strict, or the language doesn't encapsulate scope properly.
Outside of the for loop counters i and j, short variable names are awful.
I’ve started to prefer writing it out as ”index” or ”iteration” even in for loop counters. It’s easier to read, and not much harder to type.
Keeping things that can be on one line to one line is a good reason to use short variable names where it won't be confusing. Writing "iteration" sounds absolutely perverse!
The thing is, everyone understands i and j. The reason calling variables hcv or iid is dumb is because noone knows what that means - quite a different situation.
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The length of variable and function names should be proportional to the size of the code that can potentially call them. And preferably segmented in namespaces, explicit modules, or something like that.
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history | grep -E '(sed|grep|awk|perl)' | wc -l
107
Dang. That's out of 1000. I need to up my game. Also three of those seds are part of something with a -basedir and don't count.
So yeah, about 10% of my commands are iterating shell pipe things for poops and giggles, I guess.
... and this got me going down the rabbit hole of writing a filter for my history to pull out the first command on the line. This is non-trivial because of potential preceding variable assignments. Most used commands are currently apt and man and ls. I think apt is a Spiders Georg situation because the system is fairly fresh and I keep finding things that I haven't installed yet. Also I went through a patch of trying to parse its output.
... oh, er... unga bunga.
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"Writes code on paper to avoid side effects" - ROFL
Programming would be great, if it wasn't for computers (and users, too, but those would stay away without the damn computers).
(Don't get me wrong, I love computers, they're great, as long as they stay turned off.)
OOP boilerplater except for the Windows bit; trying to slowly move off proprietary software and choose open source when I can
Same honestly, it's a hustle to convince the Java EE dinosaurs of new paradigms. Never going back to Micro$lop though.
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Unga bunga
Found the esoteric programmer!
Uses neovim with gruvbox theme on arch
Damn, why are you calling me out personally? Though I use it to write python scripts and LaTeX, not rust...
- this post was made by the imperative stoneager gang
Just finished an assignment for uni: Memory safety in Rust: Mechanisms and limits - a comparison to C/C++.
Fuck.
Great overview of Rust's weaknesses and strengths:
Li et al. 2024 Rust for Linux: Understanding the Security Impact of Rust in the Linux Kernel
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I've been shifting around, but never to the OOP boilerplater. I despise Java.
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More like mix and match your path lmao.
Unga bunga.
Is there a panel for the pragmatist that just goes with what works, with open source strongly preferred?
No, because the whole point of this meme is to be entirely devoid of nuance. Functional programming is fucking awesome if product is changing its mind every 5 mins, Oop is great if you have a huge number of junior Devs, rust isn't remotely slow so god knows what bottom right is about, top left probably has more functionality defects than you can shake a stick at but he's lionised here. Don't think too hard about it -- OP didn't (also 'never bashes python or JavaScript'? Absolute weaksauce. Perl and PHP are the ones ppl bash because of entry level dev memes. Embarrassed for op)
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That's such a way to dismiss the theory and academia
ocaml and haskell and erlang power like... a shitton of industry production code. If erlang software disappeared, internet dies for a bit until people replace all the broken routers.
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Vim is life. And use good variable names.
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