this post was submitted on 05 May 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] tooks@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My parents smoked Reds indoors their entire life. I essentially smelled like an ashtray throughout childhood until I moved out for college. Even experienced respiratory issues throughout high school sports. Used to have to borrow my grandma's portable O2 tank to use for practice breaks. I feel this, and I hate it.

[–] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago

I remember going on a trip with my grandparents and suffocating from the smoke in the car. That was only a few hours, I cant imagine living in a house with them.

[–] BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

It has electrolytes

[–] DonutsRMeh@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Man, I shouldn't be laughing this much at this. Wtf

[–] beejboytyson@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Man, he's a crackhead idk why people listen to him. No different then the ramblings heard from the homeless man taking a shit front of the 711.

[–] ssfckdt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 day ago

Marlboro has what kids crave

[–] flop_leash_973@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Please, the male kids crave Lucky Strikes. Filtered cigarettes are for girls. /s

[–] VolumetricShitCompressor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 48 points 2 days ago (6 children)

We all know that you read it in his voice

[–] fedikitty@piefed.social 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

He just sounds like the embodiment of smoker's lung.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 1 day ago

he a smokers lung personified.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago

its his worms talking.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 18 points 2 days ago

yes and it fricking hurt!

Oof ouch my sanity

I've never heard his voice. I just imagined a gravel mixer and you know what, there it was

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I also imagined the inconsistent audio level from his parkinsons or w/e hands constantly significantly shaking, and then the blam/feedback from dropping the mic.

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I don't think that's Parkinson's. I think that's like lead poisoning tbh

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

... the dude has done so many insanely unhealthy things, its the scene from the Simpsons where all the diseases in Mr Burns are fighting each other and have somehow achieved a semi-stable equilibrium balance.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

his "worms' protect him form such ailments.

[–] anomnom@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

They eat the important bits before the bacteria and viruses can get to ‘em.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 1 day ago

HEROIN, and a speech impediment thing going on. i suspect its mostly his heroin abuse.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 36 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Skip the reds, straight for the raccoon penis

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 4 points 1 day ago

and bear cubs.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

FDA approves RaccoonPeen™ for every disease.

Ask your doctor if RaccoonPeen™ is right for you.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Having known a number of ignorant racist smokers, I think the name would end up being:

Arguably racist enough to be NSFW

CoonPeckers

Genuine apologies if that term is racist enough to be censorable, lol, though theoretically it both means the same thing as 'Raccoon Penis' and also is racist against both black and white people at the same time.

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[–] fedikitty@piefed.social 4 points 1 day ago

not the red rockets. 😭

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Dude what's wrong with this guy's eyes

[–] Doom@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

I have a few theories.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I had no idea river blindness stretches that far north.

[–] Anarki_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Windows of the soul.

Evil people often have dead eyes.

They know they're evil.

[–] starik@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 day ago

Wouldn't be surprised

If this was the 70s or earlier this is what he would be selling. If his sponsors were big tobacco, he would be pushing smoking.

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 18 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I give my kids a spoonful of Vaseline everyday to keep them greased up.

[–] Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

My old cat was crazy about Vaseline, I had to fight him off whenever I opened the jar.
I’ve never seen him that enthusiastic about anything else. He was like some kind of Vaseline junky.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

... Was it ... regular... or menthol?

Did he... eat it? ... or just ... huff it?

[–] Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The regular kind, he just ate it, as much as he could before I managed to drag him away from it.
It was kind of worrying to be honest.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

I mean yeah that is worrying... you as either a person or cat should probably not eat jellified petroleum, yeah.

But... wtf?

Maybe he's just... hungry?

A very odd cat?

Like I'm trying to look this up, and I'm basicslly seeing this fall into the category of pica, which is essentially a mental disorder that can be triggered by a number of things...

https://www.webmd.com/pets/cats/features/unusual-cat-cravings

Maybe take kitty to the vet for a checkup?

[–] Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

He had a thyroid problem and never managed to gain a lot of weight. Still, he grew to be quite old.
He’s been gone for over ten years now, but I still miss him.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

Ah.

I'm sorry.

I've loved and lost a cat as well.

... yeah I'm basically crying right now, don't know what to say.

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[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I hope they've grown a bit because you should only be feeding babies baby oil.

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Only after they've had their baby powder for breakfast.

[–] Whitebrow@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Teaching babies how to snort powder for breakfast must be exhausting.

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[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

they swallow it, or the hard way?

Robert Chesebrough, the inventor of Vaseline, famously claimed to eat a spoonful every day and lived to be 96.

Corollary: Wild ~~lies~~ claims to hype your product contribute to securing a steady source of income, making actually working health care more affordable to you, leading to a longer life. For you.

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[–] notwhoyouthink@lemmy.zip 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Wait is that why he talks like that tho?!

He was born during the time when conventional wisdom for expectant mothers’ concerns about weight was a simple recommendation for increased cigarette consumption.

[–] chaogomu@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

He fried his brain on drugs. Also eating roadkill and bush meat.

When he was a teenager/young adult he was the drug dealer to his family and caused one cousin to lethally OD.

The guy has been a shitbag all his life.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)

If I'd lived through that time, maybe I'd have a later-in-life obsession about fixing my health too. Hopefully I wouldn't swear off vaccines and chug methylene blue though.

[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Wildly common for sober people to get real enthusiastic about health. I mean real enthusiastic about anything really. Like wildly devoted and cannot be dissuaded

The Kennedy's were also chased by paparazzi since they were small children because they were: "Kennedys." I doubt that helped.

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[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 10 points 2 days ago

It's time for a healthy shakin'

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