United States | News & Politics

On that subject, and since it is his big day, there are three (3) articles about Shitfaced in the internet newspapers this week that we want you all to look at. They really capture a lot about the man, we think.

The first comes from the Daily Mail, yeah yeah yeah “British tabloid,” but it’s a reported story with specific sources — one from directly inside his office, they say — and literally none of it doesn’t sound like Hegseth. It is about his TEMPY TANTWUMS! Would you be surprised to learn that Hegseth is reportedly a man who is “crawling out of his skin” and prone to TEMPY TANTWUMS?

We should note at the outset, of course, that Pentagon spox and fellow prissy yelly boy Sean Parnell says this whole story is COMPLETELY FALSE and he spent the rest of his response insulting the reporters. So that all tracks.

Daily Mail says that (paraphrases):

• Pete like really insisted on doing the pussy ass bitch “Department of War” name change, like really insisted on it, long before anybody was ready, and he just WENT OFF on anybody who didn’t like it.

• He gets really mad when people suggest that maybe it’s not cool for the administration to just be randomly murdering innocent daddies on boats in the middle of the Caribbean and suggesting that might be against so-called “international law.” (Yes, that’s what it looks pretty clear these evil motherfuckers are doing.)

• “He takes things personally when challenged - like full-blown tantrums,” said their source.

Oh noooooo! TEMPY TANTWUMS!

You wouldn’t like Secretary Shitfaced when him is having a TEMPY TANTWUMS!