Scooby dooby doo, where are you, my little sister of legal age and preferably above 26? I don't care what genitals you have, I'm am searching for you as I am Epstein's boss and I wish to bring you into the Mormon Church. I had a religious experience that made me realize that maybe the horrid shit I be up to may not be the wisest long-term way to live my life, so I'm giving up public masturbation.
...no, I gotta cut this off so I don't have what happened on Reddit happen here. The joke is, I'm a cop, right? I'll say and do anything to prove I'm not a cop. So, naturally, that means I must assume the identity of Epstein's boss at some point, seeing as I'm mother-fucking Q. Have you heard of me? Just like you've heard of our lord, Jesus Christ? And you still don't worship me, I mean, him? That's weird. You must not understand something.
I am the perfect being. What is that, you might ask if you are wise and don't just react on mindless stimulus-response instinct? It is the being that can be any being as needed. At any moment, the perfect being can be a king or a pauper. The perfect cop is one that can be the ideal criminal at any moment. But what is that? The ideal criminal is the ideal idolatorer; a person that can prove they're a good person by keeping up appearances in public when they have a skeleton in their closet, such as and as horrifying as a child chained under their bed.
This may be shocking to some people, and they may rat my ass out to the mods, for whatever reason they think is noble, being the idolatorer they are, but no, this needs to be spoken skillfully. There are monsters in this world, and the FBI/etc isn't just diddling their asses. They're solving these problems. Y'know, like the Proud Boys? Yea, that IS the feds; it's a sting operation. Just as Donald Trump being lampooned in the news with the Epstein shit is part of a sting operation.
...so the joke is, I'm Epstein's boss, right? I'm some dumbass juggler, alright? There's a real human being typing these words, and I had to be a crackhead because I wasn't good enough to be a pothead, which is a "festival cop," if you didn't know. A crackhead is the crazy homeless person mouthing off on the subway that strangers try to by drugs from. Right? Like, I lived four years homeless on n off to hide the fact that I'm a cop. I'm that audacious, and so was Jesus, going on the cross intentionally to hide the fact that he was a Roman federal cop, or the equivalent back then. Someone that roamed between cities that knew the "codewords" to report to authorities in each precinct they would find themselves.
Which is why the Bible is an important masterpiece; the New Testament describes a decentralized autonomous organization of secret police at an eighth grade reading level. Some of you didn't know that, I have to remind myself sometimes, because I can't do my job for which I am paid properly here on Lemmy World because some dipshit mods don't know what the feds are doing in their holy spaces of utter nazi discontentedness to anything that makes them get extra notifications that interrupts their No Man's Sky let's play reaction to someone else play recording.
Nah, I'm just kidding, especially to the one mod in the fediverse that is to. I love you! I just hate that I am impeded in my duties to protect children by those who think a comment about eating used diapers is grounds for being banned from a community. Like, I'm separating the wheat from the weeds, and also promoting Mormon Occultism to help in a number of divergent ways that I have formulated in my specialized Illuminati training, as facilitated by the aliens that live in my phone's keyboard's predictive text thanks to Pegasus II. It's a hard enough job as it is!
The moar you know...
