this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2026
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Boss only found out when he forgot to jerk into his coffee and noticed it tasted off.
Or he started liking asparagus.
That's a good point. Did that boss never drink coffee from anywhere else? Surely they would know what a normal one would taste like.
If its made black with higher quality, sure. If its low quality and milk and a bunch o lf creamer and more sugar, youre not going to be able to tell
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Although OP's headline is completely fake, this one is not.
https://www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/news/man-pleads-guilty-to-ejaculating-into-co-workers-coffee/
And of course, the target is a female coworker.
and the perv fucking got off scott free because "technically theres no law against unwanted seminal fluids".
Whyyyyyy? Everyone acknowledges this is fucked up and wrong "we just didnt have the imagination to include your specific little freak case, so now you get to face NO consequences. Lucky you :)"
i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it...
45 days in jail. Source
In January, the city of New Brighton charged Lind with a misdemeanor crime of engaging in lewd or indecent behavior.
Lind pleaded guilty and was sentenced Friday to 45 days in jail.
Incidentally, Friday was also the day Gov. Mark Dayton signed into law a bill that makes it a specific crime to put bodily fluids into something another person would eat or drink.
okay not scott free but hopefully you get what i mean. they dropped the sexual assault charges on the technicality i described in the previous comment
which is what i hate
Should be sexual assault
Friday was also the day Gov. Mark Dayton signed into law a bill that makes it a specific crime to put bodily fluids into something another person would eat or drink.
Bad news for McDonalds kitchen workers. The Shamrock shakes will never be the same.
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Some of the best puns for this meme include:
- Fappucino
- Cumpresso
- Ejaculatte
- Tastes nutty
I forgot to add this, my b >>
On a more sobering note, this guy's real crime is sexually harassing women. More so, the legal system didn't really work in his case.
Mugshot for proof. Also you can find news on him but most news sources are now "Your data, your choice: Accept cookies, or Reject cookies and pay a subscription fee" so this is the best I can do
It pisses me off how easy it is for these fucks to get away with it. All of the women I've been close to have stories about being assaulted, stalked or harassed, or all three. These men are a plague on society and should be locked away for a lot fucking longer than they are. Instead we often reward them.
Same here. It's so commonplace it's terrifying. I transitioned physically after I became an adult, and I am lucky that I didn't grow up with the same chance of sexual abuse as cis women, but since then I have become fearful of walking at night alone, mainly because of the sheer danger women face by people who think it's their birthright to own everything and everyone they want.
My neighbour was stalked almost to her home a week ago. She carries a rape alarm in her hand because this isn't a rare occurrence.
Its like those shows/films where they get you rooting for the protagonist early and then show you that you've been cheering for a monster.
At what point were you still cheering for this guy exactly?
Core concept in the OP. I've had about 15 different jobs, maybe 50 different bosses throughout my life, and so far theres been 2 that I didnt wish ill upon.
From just the OP headline its easy to imagine the boss had it coming.
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This demonstrates an incredible drive, a level of commitment that no one who is not being chased by inner demons can accomplish.
Any company would be Lucky to hire this guy to use that for their purposes (while he works from home)
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My god what an absolute nutter
These days bosses always complain about a lack of dedication from their employees. And then they get this guy who shows some real dedication and they arrest him. SMH
Exactly. I never want to hear someone say that nobody wants to work anymore again.
I remember just before the pandemic just about every non-trade job in my area was hiring at minimum wage. I'd hear store owners say they're short staffed because nobody wants to work.
I said "How much do you start employees at?" And they'd say $7.10 per hour."
I said "At those wages, I imagine they don't want to work an adult job when Mcdonalds down the street hires for $8.00 an hour."
These small business owners never wanted to admit the problem. In those days, if he'd have said $12 an hour, I'd likely have applied.
I'm thinking of the scene in South Park where they were selling Butter's goo as a sports drink. Randy goes to drink it and says ,"this is cum,". Implying Randy knows what cum taste like and no one figured it out.
How the fuck you buss a nut that easily, was the coffee cold and creamy?
🇫🇷
Hon hon hon
*ejaculates in coffee*
CUMppuccino
Lol i wonder if it became such a force of habit he didn't even realize what he was doing after a couple years -- imagining he got caught red-handed "what are you doing?!?" "Uh im uh getting boss their coffee uhhh yeah this looks weird uhh it's just a habit you know"
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Evil Frodo
Better froth in cappuccino
So, both technically and rhetorically a wanker.
Big Joel?
Sauce please if true. I want this to be true.
You can make it true.
Accused?
So whats the point?
People are accused constantly
He was trying to save the company money creamer.
"These charges are bullshit. I missed a day every once in a while. Performance anxiety."
So assuming 15min a session, x 250ish workdays removing holidays in the USA, x 4 years = 250 hours of getting paid to jerk off
Ain't no fifteen minute sesh spaffing all up a flat white, that's a four-minute joyless forcegasm.
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Looks guilty to me.
He burned around 7500 calories doing this...
Just like they were dating.
He has no regrets.
Type of post I scroll by and leave front and center on my phone at work without realizing what it says for 5 minutes.
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