this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 29 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (2 children)

For anyone that doesn't know:

She was killed two times and resurrected the same day thus blowing Jesus out of the water when it comes to miracles.

[–] nexguy@lemmy.world 12 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

She wasn't even really that close to death. They accidentally gave her subcutaneous injections instead of intravenous. They couldn't even kill her arm.

Edit: i mean her heart never stopped.

[–] areakode@riskeratspizza.com 14 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

This is because doctors agree to do no harm. Thus, no qualified physician would be involved. Thus one of the many issues with capital punishment.

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

👆👆👆

It's not that I don't believe some humans deserve death...

...it's that I know it's beyond the perception myself or any other human to decide which ones.

[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 1 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

She wasn't killed twice. She was incompetently squirted in twice. Stop with the fake news, Mr. Trump.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I think you should find a different verb there.

[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] modus@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

I admire a person with conviction.

[–] DrSoap@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago
[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 10 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I'm currently being screamed at for daring to have empathy for this woman. What even is my life?

[–] deadmyk@lemmy.zip 4 points 5 hours ago

its hard for people to not understand you can have multiple feelings towards people at a single time.

empathy for what their going through now does not mean you support what they did 40+ years ago

[–] Naich@piefed.world 89 points 23 hours ago (6 children)

If Jesus came back now the US would keep on killing him until he stayed dead.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago

Incorrect. If Jesus came back today he would be largely ignored. He would most likely end up either homeless or committed to a mental institution. If anyone did realize he was the real Jesus returned to the world there would most likely be a third world war, not between different nations but between different multinational corporations all trying to decide who gets exclusive rights to his name and intellectual property. Nuclear bombs would be dropped to figure out who would own the rights to The Bible with explicit permission to alter, amend, or remove entirely any passages they want. In that case Jesus himself would most likely be kept hidden away in some corporate bunker for fear that he might give another sermon FOR FREE before it can be locked down under an official publishing contract.

[–] Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 9 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (2 children)

Jesus said that when He returns He'll have a Holy Army at His back and they will murder everybody.

The lake of blood will be miles wide and "as deep as a horse's bridle".

He won't come back as a hippy. (according to Him)

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 15 hours ago

according to ~~Him~~ the drunk and high monks who ghostwrote his way too long and rambling manifesto

Fixed it for you.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 4 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

don't make me come over there!

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

Honestly this is my take as a gnostic towards the Zionist Christians (like my parents). You mean you're really gonna kick off the Apocalypse and drag Jesus down here like a toddler demanding attention from daddy? Like they've told me what's going on in the middle east is just part of Jesus coming back. Even if we genuinely assume all of this is 100% true when interpreted 100% literally how in the actual fuck do you think Jesus is gonna be happy to have to be dragged down to save us TWICE.

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 33 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

US hate brown people and immigrants, of which Jesus was both. You're not wrong.

[–] baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 22 points 20 hours ago

Also a poor socialist who likes wine

[–] Smif_N_Lenin@piefed.social 5 points 16 hours ago

Or he's been coming back in about the same area, which the United States of Israel keeps bombing children in

[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago

US history is an empire of "never again."

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[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 4 points 15 hours ago

Not just killed, executed

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 17 points 22 hours ago (15 children)

was wondering how long it would take someone to pull that comparison from their ass

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[–] CrimeIsLegalNow@ani.social 23 points 1 day ago

Well this just isn't fair, like comparing Babe Ruth home runs records to the modern game, he did it all half drunk on wine, dehydrated from smoking herbs in the desert, and without the benefits of HGH.

[–] Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works 41 points 1 day ago

Slow. Hand. Clap 👏

Great post.

[–] yaroto98@lemmy.world 26 points 1 day ago

Hey guys, I found Rasputin!

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