That is a pretty funny remark.
this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2025
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So this one time I was like three and being too quiet. I don't remember this. Apparently I had climbed up the upright grand piano and gotten scared of heights. I pressed myself against the wall and was whispering "^help^" over and over. Not too loud, because I was worried I'd get in trouble for climbing on the piano, but I needed help.
I was a high energy child. I learned to stop my bicycle at first by jumping off it onto grass hopefully and letting the bike crash. It must have been a nightmare for my parents to watch. So any extended silence was suspicious.
This thread has reminded me of why I don't want kids.
My first kid was a perfect baby, she’d sleep 10 hours straight, she was quiet and never bratty, we would take her to restaurants with all our adult friends and she was always well behaved and didn’t need a tablet and would interact with everyone. We used to silently judge leash kid’s parents with the wife.
Then we had our second, an autistic boy with the energy of a thousand suns. Now I know, the leash isnt for me, it’s for all of you! The tablet at the restaurant makes sense now, and I don’t judge parents anymore
When me and my brother were coming up there were no tablets. The only thing to distract kids back then was McDonald's colouring books.
Imagine my parents relief when the game boy was invented.
We have a nephew who didn't need a leash, but he had the cutest backpack what was a monkey and the tail was a leash that he loved wearing. He just turned 19.
His younger brother did not like the monkey, and he needed a leash. He was a runner. Still is, his mile is right around 6 minutes.
My first kid was a perfect baby, she’d sleep 10 hours straight, she was quiet and never bratty...Then we had our second, an autistic boy with the energy of a thousand suns.
My experience has been similar, except they absolutely rile eachother up, and when separated they're both incredible quiet and chill. One of their grandparents refuses to take my youngest overnight but begs for sleepovers regularly with my oldest. We try to make it special for my youngest by doing stuff we don't normally do on those nights (and we try to arrange outings with just the youngest too to make it as fair as we can), but it is really shocking just how quiet and reserved both are without the other to encourage them to cause chaos
Luckily my first has 11 years on her brother and helps out a lot with him
My wife was waiting for me by the exit of Target with my infant son, and a lady rushed up with her cart, a baby in the baby holder, said, "Here, watch him!" and ran in the rest room.
I walked up, and saw my wife with another baby, and said, "We can't afford two, we'll have to return one," and she told me the story. I thought it was hilarious, and couldn't wait to meet this woman when she came out of the bathroom.
She eventually emerged, and thanked my wife for the help, and I said "You weren't worried about handing your daughter off to a stranger?" And she replied:
"No, she already had one, I knew she wasn't about to steal ANOTHER one!"
Well most of times you can differentiate frustration screaming and fear/danger screaming on toddlers
I can't even differentiate the screams of play time from those of being brutally murdered that the kids I hear playing around my apartment complex make...
How many brutal murders of kids have you been ignoring?
As many as I can. Thankfully, I don't live near a school (I'm American).
The screams of playtime are usually the ones punctuated by an adult yelling at them to shut up.
Yeah, the other kind tends to shut itself up pretty quick.
Same, and I have kids, so I, technically, should be able to differentiate.
There is a reason for declining child birth numbers... it has everything to do with more people knowing what they are really getting into.
And that everyone's too damn poor. Babysitter? Not on average wages! No one wants to give up all of their time and money for kids they might not be able to provide for.
There are people giving 100% of their paychecks for childcare and the spouse pays for everything else.
That is a failure of the US and birth rates won’t improve until that changes.
won't improve
Nothing wrong with current birth rates, just the reasons for them.
I think you meant
won't increase
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Well if there was public daycare to take the stress off of parents who couldn't deal with it then it wouldn't be as big of an issue.
Yeah we had to raise our siblings. Ain't raising another generation without being paid for it. It's why we work in education.
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I’m so feeling this this morning. I asked the 4yo if he wanted cereal or yogurt for breakfast. He screams “I’m not hungry! I want mama!”, runs to his room and slams the door. Two minutes later he comes out and punches me in the dick while I’m making lunches.
I am cracking up at this. Please save this comment word-for-word in a journal or something. Because when he's older and truly appreciates all you've done for him you're going to find it even funnier than I did to remind him of this!
I love hearing other parents have asshole kids, because it reminds me that I'm not alone.
My kid went through the same phase all kids do of refusing to go to bed.
So one night he's grabbing on to the baby gate at the top of the stairs like a con in a prison movie, screaming and yelling. I'm at the bottom of the stairs trying to ignore him.
He fixed a stare directly at me, stopped screaming, and shit in his pants.
So yeah, 100% of parents have arsehole kids.
You are not; but they are not really assholes. They are optimising for some outcome that they want, with inferior tools/mechanisms. Depending on age, their brain runs on emotion most of the time, logic is a distant second place.
In saying all of that....they can seem like assholes in the moment!!!!
Yeah, it's funny. Sometimes my son, 4, he'll talk to me, but his speech and communication are still in the very basics, and I'll say, Buddy, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying, and he'll get frustrated, which leads to anger, all because I don't understand what he's saying.
Turn the tables, I'm like, Dude, go to the bathroom, we're getting in the car, you go to the bathroom before we drive, and he'll say NO! And now I'm the one who's frustrated and angry because he's now the one who's not understanding what I'm saying.
As always, communication is key, and breakdowns always cause problems. And so we're all just along for the ride.
Ah yes; the tactical wees discussion.
"Yes, I know you don't need to go right now; but we are going to be in the car for 30 - 40 minutes; go to the toilet now please!"
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I mean, the dick punch was really unnecessary but I am glad that other families experience... Weirdness, I guess. And exclusion of a parent.
I can't count how often I read and heard the advice to "just present your kid with two options to choose from".
My kid, even before she became verbal, always wanted option C when presented with two options.
"Do you want this hat or this cap?" "Neither"
"Do you want this blue pants or these red sweatpants?" "I want... a green... dress" we don't even have a green dress.
"Shall we go to the zoo today or do you want to go to the playground with Anna?" "I want to go on the trampoline" .
Yeah the first time I tried the two options for clothes on my then-two year old, he snatched both options out of my hands, threw them on the ground, and screamed NO CLOTHES
The problem with parenting advice is every kid is different. This becomes clear after raised a gaggle of them. Anyone with one child that is giving advice is clueless.
My suggestion is not to give that type of child options. Tell them what's happening. Then do it. May that not work any better and ignores why you may have started giving them choices.
You didn't specify an age but typically choices are best for later development. Toddlers are terrorists and one should never negotiate with a terrorist.
So true. I have two and they’re complete opposites. Every single thing that one is easy about the other is hard. I thought that the second would be easier because I learned some things from the first, but every lesson was useless.
I present two options. If my kid doesn't pick one of those two options, either by not responding or by requesting a third thing, I'm picking one of the two options for him. And I'm always picking what he's least likely to want.
And I'm always picking what he's least likely to want.
So parents can be assholes too.
I'm not a total asshole: After he's had his "oh shit" moment I give him one more chance to choose. He's usually a lot better at picking one of the two options on his second try.
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My son(11) will say, "you can't do that, I'll call the police and they will arrest you". I say, great maybe I'll get some peace and quiet. He doesn't know I won't, so it works. Lol.
I think it's time. you gotta sacrifice the strategy because 11 is old enough to know acab
He's autistic, and that concept is not something he could grasp yet.
... but if you were to call the cops on me at least it would be a brief yet welcome reprieve from parenting while they come to the inevitable conclusion that he is mine and they don't want him around either
I don’t know why, but “stealing him” is such a funny way of saying that.
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