pulls out $600 and asks for happy ending
You're not a virgin because you're bad with women. You're a virgin because you're bad with money.
this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2025
676 points (97.9% liked)
Greentext
7056 readers
663 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
My gay friends call me a platinum star because I never fucked a woman and I'm a cesarian section.
I am not following
"Gold star" means "never had sex with the opposite gender" in LGBTQ+ slang. My man here managed to dodge the pussy at birth too, elevating him to platinum rank.
oooooh. Thanks !
That "Goth" chick just rinsed this dude to watch her perform a dance.
Fake: anon paid a woman
Gay: anon didn’t get a boner
"I see you more as a brother"
"How much to see me as a step brother?"
Drop the $600 under a bed for her to reach it
load more comments
(2 replies)
> Boo hoo I am going to be a 40 year old virgin!
And? I'm a 29yr old who is still a kissless virgin. Just try to get some good friends or something. Improve your career and climb up that ladder, then sex or relationships won't even matter anymore. Get off of 4chan.
Wtf no your 9-5 (or in your case im guessing much longer) isn't a replacement for a relationship.
If you're somehow able to do nothing but work and self improvement all day and be satisfied with just that in your life then good for you but don't assume everyone can just adapt to that mindset.
Humans are not evolved to find intimacy so irrelevant.
This is a green text so I'm gonna suspend as much reality as I can.
This is not gonna go over well but here we go.
If you want to talk to women or whatever romantic/sexual partner you'd prefer, why the fuck are we paying women to approach them in a non-romantic/sexual professional setting and then being upset?
Either open up to people, lower your standards, or increase your own self-worth to approach whatever arbitrary standards you've made for you.
Talking to people in a romance/sex setting isn't a fucking myth, it's a very everyday part of life that every single person thinks about. Approach it like that, don't be an asshole, and above all go out and have fun.
There is someone for you, and even if you don't think so, there's someone exactly like you willing to take the same risk.
If you've read this, and you're upset, it's on you. Go outside and fucking try.
load more comments
(7 replies)
load more comments
(8 replies)
load more comments
(8 replies)
I was 27 when i did the deed for the first time. It was very overrated. I'm almost 40 now. Ive been married, tried a few partners, it just didn't matter. But before 27 I thought I must be missing out and got sad over it. Nah man it's really nbd.
It's not a big deal, except that now you know it's not a big deal. When people are hung up about it, releasing that can be a help.
load more comments
(14 replies)
I'm literally gonna be a 40 year old virgin bros
OP:
yeah maybe hire an actual prostitute instead of assuming all women offering a service you don't understand are actually just whores
anon deserves his blue balls
she implied anon could've recieved that service if anon wasn't "too spiritually pure" defo a prostitute, at least as a side hustle.
(if this story was real that is, which of course it is not)
Anon is very obviously describing a prostitute who lives somewhere where it is illegal and thus advertising with innuendo. Anon was turned down by a prostitute. Also the only one calling women whores was you.
load more comments
(9 replies)
>get psych degree
>become disillusioned with the world and my minuscule place in it
>distaste for society rising
>decide to open a little witch shop
>even offer subtle counseling
>occasionally rip chuds out of their hate holes
>never had a customer leave without personal growth
>be yesterday
>laundromat fire left me with barely any clothes
>fuckthisqueerhatingearth.png
>still have customers today
>can’t cancel without incurring penalties
>fuckthisqueerhatingcreditprocessor.fat
>smell like burnt plastic
>wearing rescued sheets from head to toe
>appointments not going too bad considering the circumstances
>then arrived the mound
>a ball of unwashed hair stretching out into a protective sphere
>sebum flows and drips from my bead draped doorframe as walks in
>understand immediately that I have to do something about this
>I’ll save this one Jonny
>but I can’t get a word out of him
>he communicates only in grunts
>he's distracted for some reason
>finally give up as the hour elapses
>grasp failure for the first time
>as he leaves, he suddenly turns, whipping salty droplets onto my face
>I convulse but keep my composure
>finally hear his voice
>think we’re finally going to talk
>he extends a wad of money toward me and begs for a handy
>the straw that broke the camel’s back
>can barely squeak out an apology as I exit the room and begin crying
>I just wanted to help
load more comments
(1 replies)
That's why you make an agreement in advance.
IMO the worst thing about being a virgin is that it's forbidden to have sex, at least according to your caring parents, teachers, and social context. It's more about breaking the nonsensical rules than actually about having sex, at least that's how it was for me.
load more comments
(2 replies)
view more: next ›