this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2025
385 points (98.7% liked)

Programmer Humor

26135 readers
1167 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] salacious_coaster@infosec.pub 61 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

My first helpdesk job had daily "standup" that often went for over an hour. We'd be sitting there getting chewed out by the owner about how we're not getting enough done, while we can hear the phones ringing and angry voicemails from clients stacking up in the background. One of the worst jobs I ever had.

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 40 points 1 week ago (1 children)

some people really seem to think that shitting on the ones who actually do the job solves anything

[–] salacious_coaster@infosec.pub 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That guy was an egomaniac with a pathological need to be the smartest person in the room. Which was unfortunate for him, because although a competent technician, he was awful at running a business. Also he decided at some point that he knew enough about his craft in a field where everything is constantly changing.

[–] spiffpitt@lemmy.world 34 points 1 week ago (4 children)

if i fill every space, what do i win?

[–] taco@piefed.social 31 points 1 week ago

Weekday drinking as a hobby.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

A BRAND NEW CAR (emoji) 🚗

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Can't I at least have a sticker?

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 week ago

Another row and column to make an actual bingo card

Return to office mandate and a slice of cold pizza.

[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If this were a 5x5, I'd have the free square in the middle be "aI-pOwErEd"

[–] Dicska@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Weirdly, after a certain percentage of useless meetings (that should have been an email) it does become more productive to make the AI "do the job": not because it's actually efficient, but an AI is never interrupted for a pointless meeting for hours.

[–] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 13 points 1 week ago (4 children)

What’s wrong with a time tracker? If you’re billing a client, you need to know how much time you spent on them. If you’re tracking internal projects, then it’s still worth knowing where your time is spent and if it might be better spent elsewhere. If it’s work hours that are tracked, then that’s a solution for ‘Unregistered overtime.’

[–] taco@piefed.social 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What’s wrong with a time tracker?

I've worked in once place where I was support (no projects, all work came from and was tracked in tickets). Since everyone had to use the time tracking system anyway, I had to enter 8 hours every day. I was salaried, so no OT or docked pay for time off; I entered the same 5x8 every week, regardless of what or when I worked that week. Pointless.

Another time, I was subcontracting and had to enter time for the same projects for both my employer and the company that hired us. My employer wanted time submitted twice a month, and the hiring company demanded weekly. Tedious.

Two of these three companies were irrationally anal about pre-filling the time sheets, even when the hours were well planned or functionally irrelevant.

Last time I had to track time it was on a shitty spreadsheet that had to be printed out and signed by my boss. I was salaried. There were usually no changes from week to week.

They also had a digital time tracking solution that they just refused to use because that would involve change and change is bad.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I imagine this is a problem mostly for people who do all of their time tracker recording at the end of the week or month or whatever billing period they have. This requires a lot more thinking and time, and thus becomes a problem, compared to just filling it in at the end of the day.

Just a guess though.

[–] HK65@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I've a slight manageable case of ADHD and I tend to obsessively hyperfocus on tasks. It's a good relationship because I get a lot of shit done well, and enjoy my work.

If you start forcing me to plan out my day every day, down to 15 minute increments, my productivity drops by around 60%, because I stop concentrating on getting shit done, and start working to rule. Not because I'm vindictive, but because that's what you asked me to do.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Is that what people mean by time tracker?

I meant just writing down what you did and how long you worked on it during that day.

I'm quite lucky, I just have to basically fill in "8h" every day on the same project and then I'm finished. But other people are forced to be very detailed and it sucks.

[–] riskable@programming.dev 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

When you work on the same thing for 8 hours a day for years and then suddenly management decides that they need "detailed time tracking."

They just gave you a new job without additional compensation. New responsibilities, no new title, no raise, etc.

Then—months later—they realize that everyone's spending at least half an hour, regularly to figure out how they're spending their time. Some bean counter adds up how much that costs in real money and then—out of nowhere—management decides they don't need detailed time tracking anymore.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Adler180@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

Might solve overtime since you always record it, or do you? If you record the overtime you spend on internal projects it's gonna have a bad impact on your ratio of client work to internal work. What you spend 20% of your time on internal projects, your colleagues only spend 10% there - but I work 50h/week instead of 40, but no one looks on this.

Another problem is when your company doesn't have any work for you and you gonna figure out where to book the 8h of doing nothing but waiting for work that day.

Yeah working with timesheets sure is fun work.

[–] InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 12 points 1 week ago

This is a dream job!

I mean, nightmares are dreams, too.

[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 week ago

Making a copy of a folder on the same drive is a "backup" 😝

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is less awful IT practice and basically just bad development practice.

Working in IT support, you developers are a different breed of users.

[–] bier@feddit.nl 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We clash! While we try to squeeze every last bit out of our hardware and tools, you are trying to keep us in check and not installing random shit because it might make us 0.1% faster

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

My best friend is a developer, and I personally have a lot of respect for the work you all do.

One thing I can definitely say is a positive of working with your kind, is that you people don't have printer issues.

I hate printers.

[–] marcos@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

It's good when you are involved on a single team, so you only have 1 ~1 hour standup to participate...

[–] PonyOfWar@pawb.social 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm currently one week into a two week period where all of the CEOs and project managers of my company are simultaneously on vacation. It's wonderful, just coding without being bothered.

[–] McMonster@programming.dev 6 points 1 week ago

This. Sometimes it's enough for one person to be OoO and suddenly you can code in silence, work is being done, standups go from 1 hour to 10 minutes. No extra stupid tasks randomly handed out.

I wish that person at my project had at least 3x more paid vacations.

[–] maxwells_daemon@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

No requirements = nothing done, all requirements met

[–] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 7 points 1 week ago

For my team it's been "oh your out of work? Let's just pull in another card for you from the backlog"

And then they get pissy when the burn down chart looks like a camel, finishing at the same place we started.

[–] MicrowavedTea@infosec.pub 7 points 1 week ago

Any extra points for hitting the "Finished the feature?" square three times for the same feature?

[–] McMonster@programming.dev 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My project is doing 12 of those. Guess who has another job interview round next Friday?

[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You're getting job interviews?

[–] McMonster@programming.dev 2 points 1 week ago

Rarely, but it happens.

But I can't shake off the feeling that in most cases recruiters completely misunderstood or misrepresented requirements for the position to get me to the technical interview stage. Like scheduling me for an interview with a team heavy with functional, big data processing while I barely have any purely functional experience.

Non-technical people doing recruitment work is a scam.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

More like Bing of Awful IT Practices!

I've added this comment effort to my time tracker in story points.

[–] theunknownmuncher@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Worse than 1 hour standup and 4 hour planning:

1 hour daily standups and 30 minute planning meetings.

I've been on a team that consistently congratulated themselves on how fast and smooth planning is, when none of the stories would have acceptance criteria or real descriptions at the end of the meeting, and then we'd have to spend tons of extra time during daily standup actually figuring out wtf the work was

[–] aramova@infosec.pub 1 points 6 days ago

After a point in your career you either learn the skills and get the experience to understand how to plan projects and end up on those groups writing the definitions, or you remain an IC and just code what was given to you.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago

I dont work in IT but minor, minor, minor tweaks in the wording describes basically every job ive ever had.

[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

Damn, I've encountered all of these, and my current job features most of them.

[–] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

I’m guilty of 1 hour standup.

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Oh c'mon guy, just work your magic

[–] Maestro@fedia.io 2 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Story points = hours just makes sense though. Even if your team doesn't do it, then everyone will do it in their head anyway. Especially management. But everyone will have a different formula so you start arguing about how many story points something is. Just do it in the open.

[–] pixxelkick@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

In the "right" use case, story points should just represent relative effort.

The hours dont matter, its more about ranking how challenging a task is, in order to help the manager rank the priority of tasks.

You should have typically 2~3 metrics:

  1. Points, which represent relative effort of the task to the other tasks you are also ranking.

  2. Value, how much value does doing this task provide, how important is it

  3. Risk, how risky is it that this might break shit though if you make these changes (IE new features typically are low risk since they just add stuff, but if you have to modify old stuff now your risk goes up)

If you have a good integration testing system automated, Risk can be mostly removed since you can just rely on your testing framework to catch if something is gonna explode.

Then your manager can use a formula with these values to basically rank a priority order for every ticket you now scored, in order to assess what the next thing is that is best to focus on.

[–] mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

The point is that if story points=hours, you should just fucking use hours from the beginning.

[–] Maestro@fedia.io 1 points 1 week ago

Yes, that's what I meant as well 😄

[–] Alph4d0g@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Story points are evil because they were intended to help teams set achievable goals but are almost never used as such. Once a manager catches wind of this practice, they will bastardize it into a pile of shit most high. Scrum doesn’t prescribe this practice so ditch it. Reject it and move to something only the team members will understand. If you move to relative animal sizes or some shit and you meet your goals, managers can fuck right off.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] notabot@piefed.social 1 points 1 week ago

That depends on your team composition. Decoupling story points and hours means that the points indicate the complexity of the task; each developer might take a different amount of time to deliver that depending on their ability and expertise in that part of the system. The points give you a simple metric to show how much complexity the team have left to deliver, and tasks get assigned to whoever is best placed to deliver them at the time.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 2 points 1 week ago

I'll take top right and bottom left please.

load more comments
view more: next ›