Wow thats a deep question! Fortunately I have a deep answer for you ;)
It‘s is called selectorat theory: Dictatorships or democracies are defined by the size of their selectorat (the group of people deciding who stays in power).
In dictatorships very few people can decide to depose the ruler. Like a some high generals for example. Usually dictatorships have a couple of thousand people in the selectorat.
Democracies have millions of people in there seletorat. Depending on the system it can range from maybe 10-20% to 100% of voters that actually can determine the outcome of an election.
Bruce Bueno de Mesquita had a great idea for any legislation change that could be abused to advance any specific political direction. Just have it come to pass in 20-40 years, when the careers of everyone involved are over.
Obviously once you know this you can just openly discuss how any state should actually work without the risk of hurting your current objectives.