this post was submitted on 22 Feb 2026
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Story time! This isn't here to say that dudes have it worse or just as bad or anything. It just made me think of this.
I have a good friend who wears wired earbuds often. He gets in a space where he doesn't want to talk to anyone but he got to be out for one reason or other. I've watched person after person come up to him to talk. He rolls his eyes, takes out an earbud, make a huge show of pausing whatever he's listening to while holding up the "Wait a second" finger. They'll say whatever they're trying to open with and he will nod and give the biggest fake smile. Then put his earbud back in. To continue the conversation they have to tap him again and wait for him to do it all over again. Some do, sometimes repeatedly.
Some people seem to have no concept that others aren't just waiting for the chance to talk to them.
This whole thread is weird to me because being approached in public by people wanting to talk almost never happens. Not that I'm complaining exactly, it's confusing and concerning when it does, but it's hard to imagine it as such a normal thing that it has become a commonplace annoyance.
This seems dependant on location to me. In a region I lived before it would be rare that someone would talk to me in public like at the store, now where I'm at it happens all the time, people seem much more social in general. I used to be sort of confused when it did happen, now I'm used to it and it feels like a nice human moment when it does usually.
I don't know what it is. I used to get approached semi-regularly, maybe once every few weeks when I was younger. But this dude, for whatever reason, was approached often. I think part of it is the places he was a lot of times. We'd be out at the bar (he would lend music/PA equipment to bands or small bars for a small fee and show up to basically drink for free) and there was one night I watched it happen half a dozen times. Not by the people who were borrowing equipment, but just random people who he didn't know.
He said it never happened at like the grocery store or whatever, but very often in bars when he'd sit alone, less often in restaurants when he'd sit alone, and occasionally at the park when he'd go sit to read (headphones in). He's good looking but not extraordinarily so and never looked especially friendly so that wasn't it. It was both men and women, men more often but women more persistently.
Some folks just have something that makes others want to talk to them I guess. I imagine it's worse for women for a few reasons (the way certain demographics of dudes are socialized, not knowing how a guy will react when you shut him down, etc). And some folks seem to believe that everyone is just waiting for them to strike up a conversation, even if the person they're trying to strike it up with is obviously actively avoiding people.
It stopped happening to me. I'm not sure if I aged poorly over the pandemic or if I just look meaner these days. He moved away so I don't get to watch that particular trainwreck anymore. I'll have to ask him.
LOL! What psychopath sits at the bar with earbuds in?