this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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According to mousetrap manufacturers, putting your tongue on a mousetrap causes you to become 33% sexier, taller and win the lottery twice a week.
While some experts have argued caution that it may cause painful swelling, bleeding, injury, and distress, and that the benefits are yet to be unproven, affiliated marketers all over the world paint a different, sexier picture.
However, it is not working out for everyone. Gregory here put his tongue in the mousetrap the wrong way and suffered painful swelling, bleeding, injury and distress while not getting taller or sexier.
Gregory considers this a learning experience, and hopes this will serve as a cautionary tale for other people putting their tongue on mousetraps: From now on he will use the newest extra-strength mousetrap and take precautions like Hope Really Hard that it works when putting his tongue in the mousetrap.