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this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2025
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Really recommend the books Controlling People by Patricia Evans and The Verbally Abusive Relationship (same author). It explains fascism at a personal level so well.
Basically, they get a sense of fulfillment when they project and violate boundaries. The control is just them violating boundaries. They will keep amplifying and they will never stop because the fulfillment feeling is so good to them when they project and violate/control and they believe they are entitled to it. The ultimate amplification and control being death, of course.
Normal people show love by respecting boundaries as a celebration of who that person is. You don't like peanuts? Ok, no peanuts, you are a peanut hater and I know, love, and respect that about you. Whereas a controlling person will hear a boundary like that and it bothers them as a separation between them and their projection, so they will do things like sneak peanuts into food or force someone to try different peanut foods. This is often seen as a power struggle, but it is really just a way for the controlling person to feel satisfied over and over again.
Wow, where was this post and this book when I first met my mother in law?
(no worries, problem solved, we don't speak and it's a minor miracle my partner turned out a good person).
This is a gross oversimplification of personal relationships because every person projects, the difference is whether you replay a socially accepted role or not and this changes like any fashion.
Also i don't know about authors playing scientist and using terms like "spirit". Popular spiritual " science" self-help books will NOT make your life easier. An actual education will, because it makes sure you are not exposed to predatory behaiviour all the time. There's only so much willpower to face power play, no amount of reasoning with the rain keeps you dry.
I never said the issue was projection in isolation.
Socially accepted - no. It's about if the person responds with control and boundary violations.
I don't really care if you like how she writes, her book was written in the early 90s back when marital rape was still legal and she had to explain in simple terms very complex topics to a lot of people needing help. Her books are absolutely amazing in how they convey these relationships and hold up to scrutiny by professionals (they are almost always one of the books on your therapist's shelf, because they were and are so foundational in conveying these dynamics and therapists tend to loan them out).
It's good to read and be openminded.
It isn't about making my life easier. It is about identifying and understanding dynamics that I don't want to be part of. Not all "self help" books are created equal FYI, and I wouldn't call these self help anyway.
This book is educational.
It's not about "facing power plays" and honestly not only does your last sentence not make sense to me, but your last paragraph in context is strange and I think I am missing your meaning.