this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2026
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Fuck AI

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Don't need an LLM to know the date ended ten seconds after they explained they were going to record the conversation for performance review

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[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

AI aside this also highlights while online dating is inferior to just meeting each other in person: Dating isn't (or better shouldn't) be about looks or skill maxing.

If two people are compatible their biology will figure this out no matter their stats or preferences. Going after the perfect match according to statistics might pair you up with someone who has the same interests, political stance etc. But this doesn't tell anything about whether love is ~~around the corner.~~ in the cards.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

The idea is you find available people online‚ screen them by criteria, then meet them to screen them pheromonically (note: not a word); the idea is NOT,as you posit, to have a computer marry you off to a stranger.

I hate online dating for a lot of reasons,but it works great in theory.

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Yes and no. I get the point ,,to check for available people". But, leaving the commercial model behind most platforms and its lack of interest in finding you a partner aside, it tempts people to make a long mental list of what they’d want in a partner and to weed out anyone who doesn’t meet those criteria. Among other things, online profiles (in my opinion) lead us to judge people more heavily on their appearance than we normally would. And this is where my criticism comes in: It’s very likely that we’re ruling out a lot of people with whom we might have been happy, but who don’t meet the expectations on our list or our visual standards within the first 10 seconds. In this regard, meeting people in real life works better because we tend to engage more deeply with them (partly due to the smaller selection) than we do when briefly scanning a 10-word online profile with 5 pictures.

Personally, I probably would have ruled out my partner—whom I met at a bar—if I’d met her online, simply because my online behavior is much more superficial (which doesn’t reflect well on me, but I think that’s the case for a lot of people.)

[–] snooggums@piefed.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It’s very likely that we’re ruling out a lot of people with whom we might have been happy, but who don’t meet the expectations on our list or our visual standards within the first 10 seconds. In this regard, meeting people in real life works better because we tend to engage more deeply with them (partly due to the smaller selection) than we do when briefly scanning a 10-word online profile with 5 pictures.

In my experience we also dismiss a massive number of people subconsciously in person, where seeing someone in passing is basically like the swiping step. Actually going on a date is the same in both approaches.

Actively dismissing might reinforce our visual biases, but as a trade off of being aware of more people who are interested in having a relationship.

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

but as a trade off of being aware of more people who are interested in having a relationship.

Let me just jump in here for a moment:

That’s the theory. In the real world of modern online dating (of course, this is all just anecdotal evidence from me and a few colleagues, so take it with a grain of salt), there are also a lot of people on dating platforms who, for a wide variety of reasons, aren’t emotionally available for a relationship at all. Some are looking for no-strings-attached fun, others are going through a breakup, and still others are seeking attention and validation... In any case, not everyone you’re matched with is actually interested in a relationship or even in getting to know someone seriously. I’d even go so far as to say that this realization causes a bit more pain online than (as you correctly pointed out) in real life—where this also happens—because the platform operators naturally cultivate the expectation that “true love” (whatever that may mean to you) is just a click away.

I think we can perhaps agree on the following summary:

In theory, a platform where all adults who are interested in a relationship and are self-reflective can meet is a great idea because it expands the pool of available partners and allows you to weed out your personal no-goes beforehand without wasting time. In reality, however, due to the business model, our modern society, and human nature, quite a few pitfalls.

...and perhaps I just suck at online dating and therefore advise against it. After all it's a pretty personal topic. ^^

[–] snooggums@piefed.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Some are looking for no-strings-attached fun, others are going through a breakup, and still others are seeking attention and validation… In any case, not everyone you’re matched with is actually interested in a relationship

Those are all relationships. Not long term stable ones, sure, but they all fall under the relationship umbrella.

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Depends on your definiton of relationship.

If we define the term broadly enough, every human interaction is a relationship because we have some kind of relationship with the individuals we interact with.

[–] snooggums@piefed.world 1 points 1 month ago

Or we could acknowledge there are sexual, romantic, and other relationships that are commonly between two people and called relationships in the context of dating instead of diving headfirst into hyperbole.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

110% agree! Those are a few of the reasons I hate online dating--we give weight to too many things that truly don't matter--including how someone looks in a photo that may have been poorly lit or been artificially staged or editted.

My current girlfriend wouldn't have even made it past my explicit OLD filters, much less a subjective screening. All praise IRL!

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

~~"whether love is around the corner"~~
~~What do you mea n by this? I've never heard this.~~

Edit: nvm, you very obviously mean whether they're compatible and love is in the cards. lol

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Most probably... I'm not a native speaker and we're notorious for our poor or odd translations of our own idioms into English. ^^'

[–] bjc@scribe.disroot.org 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"around the corner," to mean something is nearby but out-of-sight, is a common idiom in the united states

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So it was fitting after all? I'm utterly confused now. xD

[–] FrederikNJS@piefed.zip 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If you're on a first date, and "love is around the corner", that would kind of imply that the date you're currently on isn't the "love", because then love would be "right in front of you", not "around the corner"

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But could the term ,,around the corner" also apply since the one in front of you might be the love your looking for you just need to get to know the person you're facing better?

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Yes, it's applicable. It might not be someone first chouce of idiom in that context but it absolutely works the way you used it.

My comment was writing out "you correctly used x to mean y"

Sorry to confuse!

[–] GardenGeek@europe.pub 2 points 1 month ago

Oh, I get it!

Thank you for your time and patience! :)