transcript
Screenshot of a tweet by @feralhousepuppy: hey so you've been calling me "bro", "man", and "dude" a lot and it's really invalidating to my masculinity cause those are all gender neutral things you call trans women :/
this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026
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Am AFAB, can confirm. The whole argument over "dude," for example, has been difficult for me to adjust to because I use it gender-neutrally all the time. I've never had a cis-woman complain about me using it with/around them; no cis-woman has ever gotten offended or said to me, "I'm not a dude, I'm a woman," or anything of the sort. It's just ... understood differently?
But if there's a different usage pattern among AMABs, I can see how they might feel differently about it. Truth is, if I'm calling you "dude," it means you're cool with me - it's a gender-neutral term of endearment among women, having absolutely zero to do with one's gender or sex.
Most cis women I've met don't like being called dude. This isn't an amab/agab thing. This is a thing where women like myself are asking people respectfully to stop calling us masculine terms
For sure, if I met a woman who told me she didn't like being called "dude," I'd keep that in mind for her. I'm not doubting that some people can feel that way, I'm just saying that I haven't encountered that from anyone I've used the term with. Now I wonder if there's a regional or demographic difference...
Cis male here and I didn't know your way of using it wasn't the default tbh. Unless used directly as "you're a dude" for example, that word has no implied fender to me. "Dude wtf" is gender neutral.
I'm not a native speaker though, I grew up on video games, forums and later reddit, so for the first decade and a half, whenever I used English, I often didn't know other people's genders anyway.
Ah I think that explains my confusion. I'm a man, but I first learned English from my Australian cousins, both early teen girls at the time. They used dude in their female friend groups. So I didn't really learn to understand the term as gendered.
Only later I came across situations where it's used with a certain gendered emphasis, like: "No, you don't understand, I'm into dudes!"
That makes sense. I'm from the US, but that's precisely how the word evolved for me. I grew up with boys, in the 90s, when shows like TMNT and The Simpsons had the word "dude" as a common expression of surprise, or as a catch-all term for "cool person."
Sure, sometimes people said "dudette" to refer to cool girls, but it never seemed common. Besides, I always found that word kinda cringe, similar to how I feel about other unnecessarily-gendered terms, like "lady doctor." "Dude" was always for everyone, a word of true agendered acceptance. Which makes the way some people seem determined to hammer it into the "men and boys only" category feel really ... limiting? Suffocating? Like a step backwards?
Although I feel for those who can only see it as masculine, and I don't mean to dismiss their concerns, but if there's already an agendered reclamation in the works, wouldn't it make sense to continue that? Instead of doubling-down on its gendered gate-keeping? It doesn't mean you have to personally use the word, but to tell the rest of us that this beautiful, gender-free word must be confined to a gender role, well, doesn't that just reinforce the binary?
Think about it. Once upon a time, calling someone an "aviator" or a "poet" implied masculinity (with the feminine versions being "aviatrix" and "poetess," respectively.) Imagine the first time a woman was called an "aviator." Was she insulted? Maybe. Did she object to it? Also maybe. But if she did and her way had won out, do you really think an "aviator" and an "aviatrix" would be considered equal today? By the way some people react to female pilots, I think it's fair to say they wouldn't be. I'm glad the separately-gendered term died off, it did nothing but make women seem like the non-standard, a "different" that must be labeled as such.
With all that considered, why would we ever want to limit "dude" just to men and boys? The closest feminine term we could use is "dudette," and if we're going to force ourselves to be "dudettes" then I guess we might as well be aviatrices, poetesses, and lady doctors as well.
Because how dare we let an evolving word, in this ever-moving fluid that is the English language, come to find peace in its burgeoning gender-neutrality.