this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2026
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As a professional honorary Internet Doctor, I'm prescribing OP a week off work with no Internet and an eighth of psilocybin mushrooms.
Get all your scrolls in tonight OP! I'll be outside your house first thing tomorrow to cut the Internet lines and deliver your assigned crate of offline media. Stay hydrated and please do not resist your treatment!
Is this a service anyone can sign up for?
Yes, house calls only