this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2026
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Stoat is the most discordlike, Matrix is the most privacy-focused
I've been trying so hard to work with Matrix. Then once you get it going everything is dead.
Go for XMPP, snikket is pretty much ootb.
Those are great private messaging solutions, but not great for hosting communities.
That changes if people like you start using it.
Kinda like Lemmy.
I know. I totally agree. But holy shit onboarding is terrible with Matrix. If people struggle wrapping their head around Mastodon, this is much worse.
I found Lemmy to be the easiest onboarding of all the federated networks.
I think I found Discord much more confusing than matrix, personally.
That said. Discord no longer exists for me. Account deleted today. Nothing of value was lost.
Literally nothing to miss! All the communities I liked all fell apart and/or swung to the fascist right long ago.
Wish DeltaChat would work better.
Or that Jami would properly look for new messages after a user configurable amount of time - sometimes it'll only do that if you restart the app
I've been using it exclusively (later along with self-hosted Jitsi) since 2017.
There's tens of millions of messages, doing just fine.
Stoat seems pretty good, but it's still a bit buggy. It kept disconnecting and reconnecting, but I logged out and then back in again and that fixed it.