this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 92 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Are you stupid?! I make 1 billion an hour repairing door hinges! What kind of fool takes this kind of "deal"

Scam! Release the door hinge files!

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 29 points 3 months ago

Are you stupid?!

You could say they're... unhinged 😎

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 55 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Yes. I can spend those two hours watching door hinge repair videos on YouTube, I was going to do that anyway.

[–] 123@programming.dev 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Spend 2 hours watching door hinge repair videos followed by buying a new house since you have 500m.

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago

A new house! Just think of all the new doors with hinges that need adjusting.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Sure you were. And then you were finally going to get around to fixing them, right!? Just take your precious money.

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[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 28 points 3 months ago

As long as I can break door hinges for those 2 hours, I'm good.

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 26 points 3 months ago (2 children)

This is how those onlyfans promo account posts read. "Would you (obese gamer virgin) fuck me (fit nude model) however you want if I begged you for it enough????"

And then the comments like "yes baby I'd love to πŸ˜‹πŸ˜πŸ˜‰"

[–] krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 months ago

I fucking hate this whole dynamic.

[–] Localhorst86@feddit.org 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"If you could do anything with me in a hotel room, what would you do?"

[–] Grimtuck@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Localhorst86@feddit.org 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Anissem@lemmy.ml 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

On a serious note, if you have a striped screw hole on a door hinge, put some tooth picks in the hole, snap off the bit that sticks out, and put the screw back in. I’ve fixed so many doors this way.

[–] BootLoop@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Does it matter what direction the stripes run on the screw? :)

To add to this, a stripped screw into concrete or brick can be fixed with the same method but using a small piece of copper wire the length of the screw.

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[–] TheRealKuni@piefed.social 6 points 3 months ago (4 children)

You don’t need wood glue? Just the toothpicks?

[–] Anissem@lemmy.ml 4 points 3 months ago

I’ve gotten many loose screws tight with just toothpicks, no glue.

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[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Plot twist, you're teleported in a room that will be set on fire if a switch isn't pressed within 2 hours and broken door hinge blocks you from pressing it

[–] groet@feddit.org 16 points 3 months ago

Every broken doorhinge can be bypassed in two ways. Fix it. Or break it more.

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[–] rainbowbunny@slrpnk.net 14 points 3 months ago (4 children)
[–] prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"Sporange" does. If you're especially bad at pronouncing words, many other things also rhyme with orange, like flange, range, and monkey.

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[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

No it doesn't.

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[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (4 children)

"Name 10 things that aren't Jackie Chan!"

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Uuuuhhh… Laptop, horse, Jackie Chan β€” Damn!

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[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] wieson@feddit.org 12 points 3 months ago

You can pretend, you can lie to yourself and us - your friends - but your door hinge repair addiction is becoming a problem.
So we've pooled some of our resources together to try to help you...

[–] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I would simply use $250 million to buy replacement door hinges for the ones I can't fix during that time. Easy peasy.

[–] Siethron@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You all are misinterpetting this. If in the rest of your life you spend 2 hours or more fixing door hinges the 500 million is revoked and if you're in the negative now they take your organs to make up for the deficit.

[–] grte@lemmy.ca 26 points 3 months ago (2 children)

If I had half a billion dollars I can promise you I would be spending zero seconds of the rest of my life screwing in door hinges.

[–] binarytobis@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I can imagine the genie thinking β€œBwahaha I tricked you!” and then getting increasingly frustrated that I never fix a door hinge again even though I didn’t notice the trick wording.

[–] kn33@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Right? It's like... let's see. I have half a billion dollars. I just noticed my door hinge isn't working correctly. Do I

A. Attempt to fix it, requiring maybe a trip to the hardware store, but at the minimum some time and effort
B. Ask my assistant to call someone and go back to playing video games

I know what I'd do.

[–] sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 months ago

If I had that money I could finally pursue my passion of fixing door hinges.

[–] Ironfacebuster@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

I just honestly don't think I could. They say money can't buy happiness and it sure as hell can't buy a properly self installed and adjusted door hinge.

[–] ApertureUA@lemmy.today 10 points 3 months ago (9 children)

And how do I explain my income to federal agencies?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Pretty sure there's no IRS anymore. Just give Trump some gold-plated turd and you get a no taxes season pass.

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[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 4 points 3 months ago

As long as you pay taxes on it, IRS ain't snitching.

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[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I work for a door company, that's going to be super difficult

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 12 points 3 months ago

They'll probably fire you. What will you do without a job!?!

[–] ButteryMonkey@piefed.social 8 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Take a day off, or like, just quit instead.

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[–] guy@piefed.social 6 points 3 months ago

Like, I am not allowed to or I just physically can't?

what am unhinged proposition

[–] Triumph@fedia.io 5 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Pro tip:

If the holes in the door frame are wallowed out, jam some pieces of toothpick in there first, then put the hinge on and screw it in.

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[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Pretty sure it's been 5 years since I've meddled with any door hinge.

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[–] tgcoldrockn@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Replace your 'door' hinges with 'cabinet' or 'industrial maritime' hinges and your semantic loophole is set.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

What's the ruling on paying someone to fix a door hinge? Knowing my luck it's when the bathroom and front door comes off.

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