Memes

You want your friend group to have a person with a strong back and a pickup, a white square looking person to talk to cops and bouncers, someone good with computers, someone who can cook, someone who knows where the parties are, and, most importantly, you need the glue person.

Texting and organizing and remembering birthdays and who can't eat gluten and stuff is effort and it's easier for some people than others.

Most people do not like making decisions. Having one person who does the deciding of "we will be friends who stay in touch" is actually really important.

I had a friend that moved very far away. We stayed in touch for a while. But he was very busy running a business and raising a special needs toddler with his wife so contact became sporadic. At first I was very understanding and would repeatedly initiate contact that generally, but not always, seemed to well received. After a year or two, I pretty much gave up except for an occasional outreach. I thought that he must be mad at me about something though I couldn't imagine what. After a year or so of minimal contact, I learned that he was suffering from, and hiding, crippling depression. I found out because he hanged himself.

If you care for the person, put in the fucking effort. You don't know what's going on in their life. I will never forgive myself for not trying harder.

I've long had a problem with not wanting to initiate contact with anyone. People understandably get the idea that I'm not interested or have something better to be doing.

I can't help being evasive sometimes and not allowing myself to make real connections with anyone. I think I'm harbouring some deep shame about myself and aspects of my life that I don't want to tell anyone about.

It's the 21st century, if your friend doesn't send a meme without any context at random intervals, are they really your friend?

There are like 3 people in my life who will initiate.

Me: texts every so often, putting thought into each message.

Friend: responds with “thumbs up” or reactions, but no words.

Me, after the 15th time this happens: ”Well I guess we’re done talking to each other.”

One sided friendships are not worth it.

It's hard not to draw uncharitable conclusions when people you considered friends don't reach out.

They may be struggling, but that's an explanation not an excuse. The sadness experienced by the person who never gets called, never gets invited, and feels forgotten, is real.

You think about what they do spend time on. Who they do call. It invites comparison. Why did they invite them but not me? Do they not like me? Was it something I said? It's impossible to know. They might not know themselves.

I follow a guideline of "follow their behavior, and if you have extra emotional energy then model the behavior you want to see". If they reach out sometimes, I'll reach out sometimes. If they don't, I don't, until I feel like I have the extra energy to risk them blowing me off or whatever.

If both are extraverts, then not initiating contact possibly means that person doesn't want to be friends anymore. Which is fine, sometimes it's better for a friendship to end.

If one is an introvert, then them initiating much less might not mean anything.

If both are introverts, then not getting messages or calls about banal things may be preferable for both, making them ideal friends.

It's what? Over.