Gamers Nexus posted a video recently about Discord alternatives.
Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Well, I think XMPP or Snikket is worth a try and definitely more reliable than Matrix, but you might also want to look at DeltaChat.
There is probably something wrong with your setup, if Synapse has these problems.
I've been running Synapse for years, including voice/videocalls and even video conferences.
Try Delta chat (chatmail server)
Prosody (XMPP server). Setup takes an hour at most even if you have never worked with Lua. Easy to interact with (it has a built-in shell), easy on system resources, and easy-to-understand config. Support for groups, E2EE, attachments including videos and voice recordings, among others.