this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
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[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 8 points 6 days ago

X: Ok agent Wilson, I assume you’ve been fully briefed on this mission. All that’s left is to walk you through your equipment. Let’s start with your survival kit.

W: Survival kit my ass! I don’t need that nonsense.

X:Well you’re only half wrong there Wilson.

[–] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 80 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You can't just post something like this without including a purchase link!

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Lawnman23@piefed.social 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

If you purchase the CIA, it comes included as a freebie

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 78 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Shoving a palm sized capsule up my ass for the motherland 🫡🇺🇸

[–] truthfultemporarily@feddit.org 55 points 1 week ago (2 children)

They probably conducted a study to find maximum tolerable size.

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And then went 10% larger, because true patriots can take it all.

[–] nightshade@piefed.social 33 points 1 week ago (2 children)

That's what all the training is for.

[–] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 week ago

No pain no gain.

[–] luciole@beehaw.org 2 points 1 week ago

ain't training if it ain't stretching

[–] edinbruh@feddit.it 6 points 1 week ago

I'm sure it would be bigger than that...

[–] trk@aussie.zone 15 points 1 week ago

Or just for fun!

[–] SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social 59 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Does it not need a flared base?

[–] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 37 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm assuming you'd want it to stay hidden even when getting a cavity search. Double rounded tip means it's only a matter of time before it will leave on its own.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 week ago

Hopefully...

[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago

Without a base, without a trace

[–] Maxxie@piefed.blahaj.zone 31 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Didn't know I was training to be a CIA agent 🤔

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We're going to need a lot of firepower. send in Secewet Agent Owo

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 5 points 1 week ago

Now I'm imagining an e girl furry fetish onlyfans content creator coming out and blasting lasers out her but. So thanks for that.

[–] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 25 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Does it come with CIA branded lube?

[–] ThunderQueen@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, unironically this, among other projects, did probably necessitate that the military develop or at least test and commission different personal lubes.

[–] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Wish I got paid to test lube and shove things up my butt for the CIA!

[–] ThunderQueen@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

I was going to make a joke about them testing it at gitmo but they def arent using lube in there

[–] Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 week ago

A true patriot doesn't need lube

[–] DenimFootpath@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I tried to swipe to the next image for longer then I’d like to admit

[–] Ghostie@lemmy.zip 13 points 1 week ago

I tapped the arrow on the right. I’m a fool.

[–] aeiou@piefed.social 22 points 1 week ago

Sometimes I see these and I wonder if someone there is just having a laugh.

haha they'll totally believe we gave people butt knives

[–] einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

thats not a lot of storage space....strech em out a bit more and they they may can fit a radio set and a powerbank too

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

A true patriot develops megacolon and then deals with the chronic constipation, so they can hide even a folable pistol and ammunition!

[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

For a 1960s powerbank and radio you're gonna need a real elastic anus.

(Brand new sentence right there)

[–] islandcoda42@lemmy.zip 3 points 6 days ago

elastic anus

Band name!!

[–] einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The RS-59 is modular so with multiple trips it probably could be done

https://www.cryptomuseum.com/spy/rs59/

tho that encoder gona be probably making some agents cry a bit

[–] cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 10 points 1 week ago

This fucking awesome ass-lock pick really came in handy!

[–] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 week ago

Now where did I put my lipstick again? Right..

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 week ago

Gonna need it waaay up there.

Rick telling morty to put a giant seed up his ass

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

is that plastic body safe?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

1960s-80s, so no.

[–] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 week ago

I'll take one in the ass if they can make it feel good but there ain't no way I'm taking it in the ass for america 😌

[–] abbotsbury@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

In prison they call that a suitcase

[–] Toneswirly@beehaw.org 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

But like, how do you get it back out?

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 week ago

The extraction process is the real pita.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago

Or what if you have bad gas? You could kill someone with you ass cannon.

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

50/50 whether they put this in a dog or a person

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 4 points 1 week ago

20 years is a long time to have that up there...