I guess they'll be beating down the doors of the Antifa headquarters that don't exist any day then?
this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
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Aww man, I was about to take reliable mass transit to my local Antifa training camp where we learn about vaccines and renewable energy. I hope they don’t send a supersonic, all-weather, variable-wing geometry stealth bomber equipped with a long-range precision guided munitions platform to bomb the school it’s in!
Declare martial law! Mobile ICE and the National Guard into San Francisco to utilize that 100 billion fucking dollars we gave the DHS to disappear protesters and community activists and destitute immigrants to concentration camps. Burn the socialist community gardens! Shut down the federally funded research labs at those liberal woke mind-virus infested communist Muslim-loving terrorist colleges that are so popular for obtaining the jobs that engineer our glorious new AI cyber-Christ!
Demolish the aborted fetus factories and the genital mutilation clinics masquerading as “healthcare” for the godless baby-killing mothers and the radical anarchist transgenderism sycophants wildly daring to control their own physical destiny! Hunt down every filthy porn spewing whore scrabbling to make a living selling their bodies in defiance of God’s immutable law as interpreted and funded by his male avatars in the US government! We’ll teach them rape is the only socially acceptable form of pleasure!
Siege gun clubs! Burn the safety pamphlets! Confiscate the weapons we paid so dearly for in the lives of schoolchildren to guarantee our “liberty” from the glorious imperial MAGA Trump-worshipping bloodless political revolution! The leftists are arming their militias with bake sales and barbecues!
Take away their so-called “privacy” they use to abuse children while not rich and on a private island and spread intellectual property destroying malware that obliterated media conglomerate profits by 3% this quarter! Scan every license plate, scour every app, correlate every post, and decrypt the entire Internet! We’ll find those VPN-loving terrorists weaponizing algorithms to hide from identity theft and spread their Jew-run, America-hating, liberal-biased “journalism!” The great eye is forever watchful! The three-letter agency KNOWS ALL!
Roll the tanks! Send in the troops! Lock and load! Stage the coup! Raise the flag! Notify your next of kin! Say your prayers! Sing the battle-hymn! Spin up the nukes! Fuel the rockets! Launch the drones! Sail the ships! Sortie the bombers! Set DEFCON 2! Oh, and by the way, shred that stupid fucking piece of paper a bunch of old slave-raping queen kissers scribbled up 300 years ago.
The terrorists are here!
Now might be a great time to get a grip on reality
Satire truly is a dead genre these days. Which I'm pretty sure that post above you is...
Thank god you get it! Just in case there is genuine worry:
I certainly meant it as over-the-top satire, and I thought about adding the obligatory /s at the end. But by that point, I figured if it wasn’t known it wouldn’t help anyways lol
I’d also like to point out that the horrible things I satirized are, in a more real way, happening in varying degrees of severity. The President is not well, and his administration has successfully weaponized incompetence to make the concepts being satirized possible. Thankfully, of course, the terrorists are indeed not everywhere, they seem to be highly localized in Washington DC.
Sadly, in comparison to the stuff The President of the United States posts to social media, I think it’s rather sane.
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Again?
I lost track of how many times he's classifed Antifa as a terror group.
just boring old fascism, nothing to see here, move along.