this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2026
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[–] Zephorah@discuss.online 215 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

How irresponsible, having a baby when you can’t provide for it and don’t have stable housing. How dare you?

How irresponsible, trying to improve your income and achieve stable housing instead of having a baby. How dare you?

[–] pedantichedgehog@sh.itjust.works 110 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (9 children)

Women are criticized no matter what decisions they make. This is a way that patriarchy reinforces itself.

Edit: relevant essay: https://www.sevanoland.com/uploads/1/1/8/0/118081022/there_is_no_unmarked_woman.pdf

[–] Zephorah@discuss.online 40 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yup. This is why I can’t tell if I’m trans or if I just want to be unmarked.

[–] some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

This really hits.

Like, ok, my OS didn't ship with gender.exe, that's an aftermarket DLC consisting of 95% cosmetic skins, and I'm busy trying to roll out kernel patches. Sorry about that! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I only run it to avoid social issues and/or because it's the path of least resistance. And even then... I've only ever thought "I am doing A, B, & C, and avoiding X, Y & Z because they expect me to and it's just easier".

I know I don't want to change my gender -- there's not much there to speak of in the first place. I simply want to do what I like. On the other hand, I know that this is "not normal" because most other guys seem way more attached to their gender, like it's an existential threat to them if I cross an imaginary line while existing next to them. And they act compelled to know "what" other people are, as if they'll implode because they won't know how to be around them!

So the best thing for me to do is to get around people who care about other people LARPing at gender just as much as I do.

(To be clear, I have absolutely no problems with anyone else wearing the gender layers of their choice, and wearing them proudly. As long as they're not an asshole. I actually kinda envy this, because for me it's like wearing a parka in a hot car. Changing its color won't do anything, I actually just don't even want it, I want to live my life without carrying around these heavy rulesets for what color my shoes need to be. LMAO, hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

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[–] Skyrmir@lemmy.world 92 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (16 children)

~~18-20 is the typical age for the most healthy children, and lowest maternal problems. At the same time, economic health doesn't peak until well into the 40s.~~ EDIT: For those wanting to get pedantic about the exact age ranges, you're missing the point. Economic, mental, and physical capabilities are massively misaligned in our current society, on a global scale.

It makes for a social tug of war that's never easy to handle.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works -1 points 1 week ago

This was reported as misinformation, so I'm going to take this opportunity to set it straight:

Your peak reproductive years tend to fall between your late teens and your late 20s

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/best-age-to-get-pregnant

[–] cybermass@lemmy.ca 121 points 2 weeks ago (10 children)

When society and biology don't align, we get a birthrate crisis.

Who could've ever predicted making it very hard financially to be young person and making it practically impossible to buy a house and start a family would mean people stop having families /s

[–] SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today 57 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

My parents had children they couldn't actually afford, so they spent most of their time at work instead of raising us. Somehow, they expect me to be grateful to them for not being there and for bringing me into slave world.

I wish I hadn't been born.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 27 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Same, but I went another way with it. I decided to have kids and be a better parent than them. Since my brother didn't have kids I was able to break the cycle and put better people into the world than my parents did.

If we don't try to put better and smart people out there then we are destined to fulfill Mike Judges prophecy.

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

I love kids, being a parent was the only "dream" I was really sure of when I was younger. But I can barely afford to support myself, and as a woman in my upper-30s I can see the door of opportunity closing rapidly.

Thankfully, not all is lost. Working in education means I get to do my part to "put better and smart people out there" without having my own kids. It still hurts that I can't have the life I wanted, but at least I have the ability to positively influence future generations.

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 weeks ago

My parents had children they couldn’t actually afford, so they spent most of their time at work instead of raising us.

This is the reality for most people. I'm sorry they couldn't spend more time with you.

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

When society and biology don’t align, we get a birthrate crisis.

The birthrate "crisis" is also in large part due women's access to contraception and control over when they have children and how many.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (10 children)

Even in Nordic gay space communist countries where all the needs of mothers are provided by the state, there is a birth rate crisis (met with immigration).

I think many of us uncomfortable with the dawning reality that achieving the replacement rate of humanity requires oppression of women. Bearing children is an enormous pain in the ass and without pressuring and grooming women into it, we don't get to the maintenance target of 2.1 babies per woman.

There are probably ways societies could THEORETICALLY adjust to make child-bearing more emotionally attractive without social coercion, but, fuck, man, society can't even maintain platonic friendships these days, how are we going to figure out how to have every woman average 2.1 babies?

[–] running_ragged@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

People need to give up on the idea that the replacement rate needs to be met all the time, everywhere.

It is ok, and natural for populations to decrease intermittently.

We have too many people. We can’t find affordable homes for the people we do have. We can’t meet the energy demands of the people today, without borrowing from the well-being of our planet’s future.

People are correctly looking around at the world and deciding they don’t need to be bringing more people into this world as it currently stands.

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

how are we going to figure out how to have every woman average 2.1 babies?

Taking away abortion rights and forcing women out of education and careers to stay home.

Well, that's how they're trying to do it in the US right now.

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 47 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Pregnancies in teenagers carry additional risk. The healthiest age range for women to be birthing babies is a little higher than 18-20. More like 20-30.

[–] atomicbocks@sh.itjust.works 34 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, I’m not sure why this person has so many upvotes while being so easily demonstrably wrong.

I’ve always heard more like 25-35 too.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 39 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My understanding was that the best time for women to have children was between 20-30 years old, not 18-20.

From what I've read, 20-30 is when women have most of their eggs at the best quality, and have the lowest health risk in pregnancy.

Where does the 18-20 come from? Like I guess you're most fertile at 20 but that's the only metric I can see thats best at 20. Hell, a lot of sources even say you have the best chance of natural conception in your late 20s.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 27 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (11 children)

It comes from men being attracted to teenagers and wanting to justify the attraction.

There’s at least one man in this very thread defending this. That men arent predatory to impregnate teenagers because that’s when women are most fertile/have the healthiest babies.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago

Ugh that's so fucking gross and literally not factual.

Any man interested in teens is 100% predatory and no amount of pseudoscience is gonna make up for the fact that

A) teens' bodies are not equipped to carry a baby without complications

B) teens are not mentally equipped to be parents

C) they only like teens because they're predators and teens are the only ones naive enough to fall for their shitty manipulation tactics.

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[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 19 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

It would be cool if we changed society just a little to help with this.

Not so much that it affects the rich though. That would be asking too much.

[–] zurohki@aussie.zone 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I mean, sure, we could make the world a better place, but like six very rich guys would be sad so we can't.

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[–] M137@lemmy.today 18 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

18-20 is not the "typical age for healthy children", it's in the oldest part of not being that and very youngest part of it. No one that young should have children anyway. Your, objectively wrong, view of this borders on very creepy.

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[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

[off topic]

Old science fiction novel. "Podkayne of Mars" by Robert Heinlein.

In the future Martian colonial women are encouraged to get married young and have a bunch of kids. The children are placed in cryogenic stasis until the parents can afford to raise them.

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[–] LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.world 71 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I got a hysterectomy last summer and now people don't ask me about kids much anymore. People who don't know me well think that I am upset over losing my ability to reproduce. The people I know well know that I had a small party after I got rid of my reproductive organs. I had a custom cake made and everything.

10/10 best medical decisions I've ever made for myself

[–] razzazzika@lemmy.zip 56 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

My wife had a hysterectomy due to extreme endometriosis a few years ago. We had a Yeeterus party. Our friend made a uterus shaped piñata to bash.

[–] Sergio@piefed.social 15 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I hesitate to ask what prizes were inside the piñata.

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[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Someone asked us if we're planning kids at some party recently and some other friend quickly said "you shouldn't ask questions like that, it's rude. you don't know what people could be going through". The other person simply said "you're right" and moved on.

People are slowly learning.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago

Asking people if they're planning to have kids is like asking an unemployed person if they've found a job yet.

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Unasked for opinions from everywhere when you have the ability to grow and birth babies.

[–] miraclerandy@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yup! My ex had this happen to her all the time especially from a church community we were part of. She would always say her doctor advised her not to have kids and if that didn’t work she’d go into detail about her body and why the doctor said she’d have problems carrying a child. Most would stop there but there were still some that would give her the “don’t you believe in miracles if you have faith?” type responses. We left the church after it kept happening.

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[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago

This is missing a few regular Get pregnants before the end one.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 15 points 2 weeks ago (42 children)

Being a man is like:

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

QUICK GET HER PREGNANT!

GET HER PREGNANT NOOOOOW!

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

Don't get her pregnant

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Dude sweet shes not pregnant

Dude sweet shes not pregnant

Dude sweet shes not pregnant

Lets try for a baby fuck my balls dont work

Lets try for a baby fuck my balls dont work

Lets try for a baby fuck my balls dont work

Oh sweet my balls work!

Dude sweet shes not pregnant

Dude sweet shes not pregnant

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[–] sirico@feddit.uk 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

A lot more fun is dealing with this as a can't get pregnant couple.

[–] mursejoy@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

We’re a never pregnant by choice couple is and it’s a non-stop onslaught of “you’ll change your minds.”

We won’t. It’s been many years and we have no interest. Doesn’t stop friends/family/strangers asking about it constantly.

We enjoy our disposable income, free time, and naps without alarms. I show up to work well rested everyday surrounded by coworkers we’re are exhausted, overextended, and barely getting by. Not exactly the selling point people think it is.

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I'm already exhausted overextended and barely getting by. How tf could I add a kid to that?

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[–] aceshigh@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago

Being a woman is like - stop trying to tell me what to do. Keep your opinion to yourself. No one asked you.

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