I meet none of those criteria and I actually wish that would stop these people from talking at me.
this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2026
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I'm a woman with a STEM PhD, and several of the guys I've dated have decided to prove they are smart enough to date me by looking up my publications from grad school (20 years ago now), reading them, and then trying to impress me by trying to poke holes in them or otherwise making me defend them on the spot.
That tactic is now an instant method to get me to end contact. It betrays a deep insecurity with my having expertise greater than theirs on any topic, even ones I have decades of work in. No Jimmy, you can't become my peer by reading a few papers. I don't think you are dumb, but I'm not spending time with you to massage your ego about your insecurity. Byyyye
several of the guys I've dated have decided to... [look] up my publications from grad school
That's so sweet! It's nice when people make efforts to engage with your interests
trying to impress me by trying to poke holes in them or otherwise making me defend them on the spot
...nevermind.
What the hell is with that level of insecurity. My wife is smarter than me, it was pretty clear pretty quick, most people realize she's smarter than them within a few hours of conversation. If you can't handle dating someone smart you desperately need to get the fuck over yourself. But also you can just leave! Or find a constructive way to deal with those feelings! Sigh.
Like I get insecurity about academics, my life in early adulthood was rough and resulted in me leaving after my undergrad instead of staying to the minimum of a masters degree that was expected of me. But I can't fucking imagine trying to deal with that by attempting to poke holes in a partner's achievements.
sounds about white
Imagine doing this with any field other than humanities and you'll see how ridiculous it is.
Like are you talking to a cohort in your weirdo western canon circlejerk college program? Because otherwise you might have to be flexible about the where the conversation goes. And then you might actually learn something rather than just do keyword association bingo to "impress" your conversation partner with your incredible knowledge.
Hegel is too mainstream for this one, straight to fucking Holderin.
Big Dictionary Energy
Compleete side track. I have met a lot of people with "advanced" degrees who were total idiots. Guy/girl/whatever, doesn't matter. And advanced degree means you have a peice of paper. And that just means you convinced a few people at so,e point that you knew something about a very specific topic "usually". I knew calculus at one point. I don't know any of it now.
I'm sorry do we have medieval Italian political satirists on the table for basic conversion? the crazy thing is, I've read books by all the individuals mentioned, and most of it is very old, and very specific to it's time, and largely entertainment. this is like someone 500 years from now saying they can't hold a conversation with someone if they don't have a deep familiaity with the deeper meanings of The Simpsons and Family Guy and how they impacted society.
Meanwhile, I imagine the actual historians and scholars who study and teach of the classical world professionally rarely feel the need to drop lists like this.
Real historians will be busy out-drinking you
"Not this shit again"
They probably have more insightful conversations avoiding these specific *phers.
Dude looked up "famous old authors" and started listing his search results.
A great example of someone that can't have a conversation is someone that thinks those are deciding factors.
Yeah, seriously, Melville is on that list. I haven't heard anyone who actually read Moby Dick in modern day say that most people should.
Tbh if someone can't discuss modern or less classical stories or philosophers well I take that as a sign that they don't have the intelligence/well reading to understand/analyze something without relying on other people's observations or to add their own thoughts to it.
Bare minimum familiarity with these to go out dancing. Fosse, Graham, Morris, Ailey, Brown.
You wrote Cellini twice, idiot.
We like Cellini.
Charming...
That's a literary technique called "anaphora", or in layman terms, "repeating shit", it's a highly advanced technique used to emphasize the importance of something, his use of it is actually a demonstration of how much of a big brain smart boy he is
/j
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I used to have a friend like this. He was always acting like a condescending prick to everyone for not knowing as much about his favorite books.
I don't talk to him any more.
I had a friend like this, too. I have a memory of him saying “uncultured swine” because I enjoyed Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and thought six hours of the Godfather sounded awful.
That was highschool, though. He turned around over the next few years; now we’re thirty and I happily see him every week because he’s our DM. I’m not saying you were wrong to stop talking to that dude, not at all you gotta set boundaries, just wanted to say that there is at least one example of growth!
Wild that hitchikers guide would be considered uncultured
That hits very close to home.
Unfortunately my friendship with said person ended up blowing up, because he had never had that period of self reflection and course correction.
I'm glad it worked out for you and your friend though.
Bare minimum for holding a conversation: don't be like this guy
I don’t care what you focus on, as a person.
But if your entire identity is wrapped up in your career subject or an exceedingly narrow slice of reality or a stereotypical commonality that even comedians joke about, imma gonna judge you something bad.
It is vitally important to be well-experienced, to have encountered variety and complexity in one form or another. To have travelled and meant people all over, or taken up hobbies that are hilariously distant from your daily grind, or to have plumbed the depths of literature, or any number of horizon-broadening activities.
Even something as simple as taking up handyman duties around the house, instead of calling companies to handle exceedingly basic tasks, is an improvement.
Bare minimum for holding a conversation: Cézanne, Renoire, Rembrandt, van Eyck, David, Vermeer, Fragonard, Turner, Courbet, Matisse, Kahlo, Picasso, Basquiat, Richter
hey look, i can gatekeep my special interest, too! 🤦
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Hopefully in 10 years, he will read this and cringe, although it sounds like he’s actively driving away people who think differently and would call him out on his bullshit to help him grow as a person, so maybe not.
I see "Blake" in the list and my first thought is "Blake Lively"
"dante". ya, cool. when's the prime coming out?
"Guy who keeps a Rubiks cube in a display stand on his desk at work so he can explain it's not that hard to solve them" energy.
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Uhh, that list is too short and too limited but yes anyone who claims to have an advanced degree ought to have a liberal arts education.
Provisionally agree.
Advanced degrees are for focused expertise far beyond the norm.
Liberal arts education is for that cognitive foundation that massively increases intellectual effectiveness across the entire spectrum.
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