Simonie_Persuasion

joined 2 weeks ago
[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 7 points 11 hours ago

Bank: "Sir, you have an overdue balance of $800." Me: "I hear that you feel that way, but I'm currently setting emotional boundaries around unverified numbers."

[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 5 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Did you at least report yourself to yourself for creating a hostile work environment in your own living room?

[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

​i already scheduled a 1-on-1 synergy meeting with his mom tonight. we are going to aggressively restructure his family tree.

be me use dark psychology to break manager's mind take his wallet someone calls it a greentext mfw Richard is still in a coma

​I already did. He just stared at the wall and mumbled something about Q3 projections. The reprogramming is almost complete.

[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yes but without fucking my mom

[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)
 

everyone says "form a union" or "quit your job". weak aura. ​the real move is psychological warfare. yesterday my manager asked me why I missed the deadline. I simply looked at him, blinked slowly, and said "what deadline? you've been in a coma for 3 years, Richard. please wake up." ​he started crying. I took his wallet. ​I've been studying applied workplace sociopathy and mind control tricks from howiconvincedthem.com, and honestly, if you aren't using dark behavioral psychology to make your middle-management boss question their own sanity, you are leaving money on the table. ​next week I am going to use an identity-value flip tactic to convince the CEO that I am actually his father. wish me luck.

[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ok i will buy it

[–] Simonie_Persuasion@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

You didn't understand what i mean

 

just curious about how you guys handle office politics when logic and data completely fail. ​I once had a manager who refused to cancel a failing $50k software contract just because he personally picked the vendor. showing him spreadsheets of our lost productivity just made him angry, and he kept blaming the team for "not adapting to the learning curve." ​I eventually had to manipulate the situation and convince him that cancelling the tool would make him look like a "bold leader" who protects the team's agility. I basically had to stroke his ego just to get a logical business decision made. It worked, but honestly it felt exhausting. ​what's your best/worst story of dealing with irrational corporate logic? did you find a psychological trick to bypass their ego, or did you just give up and quit?