this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2026
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Microblog Memes
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Maybe I'm too deliberately obtuse, but I would make so much fun out of this, taking it as an opportunity to research useless river facts. Like "did you know this river starts at X/was named after Y?", specific facts about its wildlife, etc. Just pretend I'm intensely interested in the river beyond its utility for small talk until it goes from something everyone is sick of into a running gag (that everyone is slightly less sick of).
Which I guess ironically feeds into what the boss wants, but at least it's not painful.
Find a local river monitoring org and see if you can get the nombers for oxygen saturation, PH and pollution information. Odds are they aren’t great.
This person Jim Halperts.
Ok, now do that at least twice a week forever.
You only need to research 104 facts, then boilerplate the intro and closing and copy/paste for the messages, then you setup a scheduled task to send 2 messages - Monday and Thursday - in order (not random, since you don't want to send the same thing twice or too close). In an office of 50 people there's no way they'll remember the 4 facts that you sent last year at the last week of April. But here's the fun part, if they keep it up for a year+, you start seeing return on your investment. If not, you don't change the scheduled task, and they slowly go mad with river facts until they leave the company and/or die. Either way, you win.
Joke's on you: they won't keep the job forever 😉