this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2026
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Our Tinder experiences must have been very different.
Yes, men are competing in theory, but no more so than in real life. And the app literally puts you in contention with them.
The other thing is, if you’ve decided that it is in fact a competition, then the thing to remember is that those other people are also competing with you. Just don’t consider them, they’re not relevant to you.
My girlfriend had 80+ matches when I started talking to her. I had 3. And yet here we are. I’ve no doubt it was the same for the other women I met on there.
Dating on apps is the same as dating in real life. If you’re genuinely searching for someone, you need to get yourself noticed and be the best that you can be. The basics are equally important in both worlds. Be a good person, make people laugh, be interesting, be interested in them, don’t immediately be a thirsty prick, exercise, feel good about yourself, etc, etc.
That math ain't mathing, bud. You ever wonder what's going on with the 77 other women you didn't match with? Or are we supposed to believe they somehow never actually existed? Are hospitals lying about the number of girls born into the world? Are 90% of girls dying as children? Do women have lower standards for relationships? Is there one guy out there engaged in polygamy with all 77 women? Or are they all ugly and don't deserve love?
Conversely, why did your girlfriend have to go through 80+ guys to get to you?
Dating apps are incel factories. They have no incentive to actually match you with a mate at all, much less a soulmate. The fact that you did anyway is actually a failure-to-profit on their part, and you have successfully defied their business model and found love despite their efforts. Good for you.
Good for you doesn't imply good for everyone though, nor good for society. They are toxic hellholes, and I stand by my assertion that they are what broke dating (for almost everyone, genuinely glad they didn't get you, enjoy your life of never having to use a dating app again)
I don’t need to wonder, you can literally download your statistics, and they provide comparative results. But I would have thought the reason was obvious.
Most men literally swipe right on everyone. Most women are considerably more selective. They get more matches because chances are the guy they’ve swiped right on has already swiped right on them. That aspect is not a conspiracy.
Exactly the same as if your hot wife suddenly divorced you. There will be far more men knocking down her door than women knocking on yours.
It doesn't sound like you really have any understanding of, or concern for, what happened to the other 77 women, nor what happened to the other 79+ men your girlfriend "swiped left" on in your scenario.
And you're accusing me of using boomer logic? That's some classic boomer logic if I've ever heard it: "I got mine, fuck the rest of you, it's obvious why you all failed, you just need to work harder or lower your standards, even though I didn't, because everything just worked out flawlessly for me and I don't want to be too introspective about why in case I accidentally develop some empathy about it"
Yeah, dating apps are just fine the way they are. Nothing wrong with them at all.
😂😂😂
This is almost exactly the opposite of what I was saying, and it’s a very telling interpretation.
No, I have no concern for the other men I was “competing” with. Why would I? They have absolutely zero bearing on my own successes or failure. If one of them got the girl, am I supposed to be mad about it?
As I said anecdotally, the majority of my friends met their partners on an app. There is no “I got mine”. I gave advice on what worked for me. The literal basics, widely acknowledged, that apply online or off. I’m not sure what other advice I’m supposed to offer in that respect that shows I “have empathy or concern for the other 79 men” that you’ve mentioned.
I’m also not sure what you’re talking about with regards to my concern for “the other 77 women”. Who are they? People who didn’t match with me? That’s fine - if someone’s not into my profile, then that’s okay. Do I have to be concerned for them somehow? In what way?
People have their own successes on the apps. Nearly 20% of UK adults under 50 met their partner on an app. That’s current partner - not all partners. The percentage who met anyone is higher.
To be honest if this tone is a reflection of how you talk to people online, then it goes some way to explain why you might not being seeing success on dating apps, presuming that’s the case. Try not to assume the worst.
Every day i had it installed i cursed that i had to even use the application, it just made me feel miserable and that i'm just cattle for the corporation, not human being searching for another.
It constantly trys to hook you into spending money and reminds you that you might be missing out if you dont with the blurred profiles of people that have liked you, which are always someone from hundreds of km away anyway or bots, but they might not be also.
And there is also that I'm neurodivergent, so it also filters me out from majority of other people > others just think fundamendally differently than me. And only people that match with me are people i'm not necessarily that interested in but would be willing to at least get to know them, but that isnt very good starting point for finding a girlfriend. I know i would have at least something to offer to others, but i'm not that good at expressing myself so I wont be given a chance or will get misunderstood because i can't express myself in right way.
Mere existence of dating applications kind of make me anxious, since it means other people will be using those instead of being open outside of them. I dont want to even use them, but i feel that i'm forced to if i want to meet people that are looking for anything.
I have also used other applications too, like badoo, hinge and even okcupid. While on tinder you get more matches than on those others, people seem to be less interested in actually talking with you.