this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2026
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me_irl
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People generally aren't sad because they are alone, they're usually alone because they are sad. No special person is going to bring you the happiness you are missing in your life, you're more likely to just infect the other person with your own misery.
I had to learn this the hard way when I was a younger man, and the year I took away from dating to work on myself I ended up meeting my wife of now 15 years. Being a good partner is about sharing your happiness together, and asking someone to be the sole provider of contentment is just too much of an ask out of anyone.
Being good to someone requires you to first be good to yourself. Self contentment is easy to spot, and just about everyone finds it super attractive in a partner. This is unasked for advice from an older happily married man and survivorship bias is a bitch, so your mileage may vary.
Except that it's easily possible to be miserable together and have no contentment within either partner. In fact, that is the majority.
Definitely been there, but I don't think those types of relationships tend to last very long. At least not in my experience.