maybe it happened
this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2026
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I don't know if you should go into a relationship with the intent to change them. You should enjoy them for them, not who you could make them.
Yeah "I'll change him/her" is just a good way of ending up with two miserable people.
A good relationship, both romantic and platonic, should be about nourishing each other to develop and grow together. It shouldn't rely solely on how they are for a specific moment in time because people aren't perfect, they change, you change and the beauty of a relationship is changing for the good for each other and developing together.
If the other person isn't developing the same way as you and you're on different paths, then it may be time to end the relationship, but to make that assessment you'll need to understand where they're going and why. That's going to require talking to someone and getting to know them a bit, not dismissing them for a single sin.
Again she's fully within her rights to say fuck off to anyone who doesn't match her standards and hold out for her true match that checks all the boxes, but if she wants to see that beautiful part of a relationship where you check off a new box together then she should give someone a chance.
I generally agree with you, but I think if you're going into the first date with notes you need to really be interested. The pre first date stage is about seeing if you're interested enough to spend the time/money on it. Too high standards can absolutely be a problem leading to loneliness, but "I'm not sure if I'm interested, but yeah sure I'll give it a shot" is a common place to be before a first date because both sides are awkwardly trying to put their best foot forward, but don't have much to go on and they don't necessarily know if they have much chemistry. If you go in no longer interested you're wasting your time because you're probably not going to change your mind.
So yeah if she had been super excited, it's silly to cancel over this. Likewise if her dating pool is small or filled with particularly bad options. But if she was just giving it a shot and lost her interest then I don't blame her.
Not necessarily change them. You don't really know who they are yet, and they don't know what you care about yet. This is more about giving them a chance to show they care about you. They can only do that if they know what you care about.
That still sounds like you're just planning to give them an ultimatum