this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

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[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 167 points 19 hours ago (10 children)

I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.

[–] HappyCatLuvs_U@lemmy.world 119 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 hours ago

Why do you think this couldn't have been written by AI?

[–] officermike@lemmy.world 41 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

But what do you do now that there's no queen?

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 53 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

Obviously the answer is to imagine Margaret Thatcher

[–] fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com 2 points 7 hours ago

Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!

[–] NoForwadSlashS@piefed.social 31 points 17 hours ago

Jesus, they want to relax not to crack the porcelain.

[–] zebidiah@lemmy.ca 7 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

Or.....Musk, trump, clammy sam Altman and Wario amadim, Stephen Miller, Pete hegseth, 5/7 supreme Court justices, the Palantir creep, Jenson, jensons fucking jacket, that lying fucking cunt at the white House that always wears a stupid little fucking cross, all the other lying fucking cunts at the white House.... Howard fucking lutnik, bibi, Putin,

...this is a fun list! Who else did I miss?

Jk Rowling, Andrew taint, the Kardashians, the Logan brothers and Mr Beast....

Who else?

[–] MurderHobo@thelemmy.club 3 points 11 hours ago

Peter Thiel, Larry Ellison, the Indian dude constantly setting off my Microsoft Authenticator

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 3 points 17 hours ago

Clive Palmer and Rupert Murdoch

[–] djdarren@piefed.social 16 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Are you Irish, by any chance?

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 24 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

Nope I’m Dutch .

Also y’all think I’m joking but I’m dead serious

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 hours ago

So why not think about the king of the Netherlands/Belgium?

[–] fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com 7 points 7 hours ago

No one would ever joke about being Dutch.

[–] socsa@piefed.social 4 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

This is how I'm going to potty train my children. I'm sure it will work out fine.

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 3 points 9 hours ago

Keep em' away from posh elderly ladies otherwise there's gonna be lawsuits out the wazzoo.

[–] syaochan@feddit.it 8 points 15 hours ago

I don't think this will help me, but thanks for the laugh

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 4 points 13 hours ago

Thank you very much for sharing

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I tried this, but got a boner instead

[–] olafurp@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

This is what I stay on Lemmy for

[–] Anarki_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 17 hours ago

In the end she'll be sitting there all pissy.

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 9 points 19 hours ago (2 children)
[–] Vespair@lemmy.zip 8 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Absolute cinema

[–] diaphragmwp@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

You think someone will follow a youtube link in the context of peeing on the queen's face?

[–] teslekova@sh.itjust.works 7 points 17 hours ago
[–] 87Six@lemmy.zip 3 points 18 hours ago

One of those comments that comes like a slap in the face with a hand full of cold water, in the morning