memes

But I did. If I have clearly explained "this is your action. this is the consequence of that action," and they have acknowledged that, then there shouldn't be a need to go on at length. I communicated exactly what the issue was and how it affects me. She acknowledged that. Behavior didn't change. Why should I need to do all the work for them? She is an adult. She does not need me to be her mom. She shouldn't need me to treat her like a child, and should be able to pick up after herself, especially when she's acknowledged the consequences of not doing so.

I did say what I mean. I'm not her mother. I don't know why you're jumping in to defend someone who is incapable of basic housekeeping unless specifically instructed each time. That is an unreasonable expectation to have. No one should need to be given instruction to take care of a shared space, especially when the consequences of not doing so aren't just expressed by the other party, but acknowledged.

"Say what you mean" is so insulting, when there is no clearer boundary than "x behavior hurts me." No other partner I have had has needed me to tell them to do the dishes or pick up after themselves after I've made it clear how it makes me feel.

Again, I shouldn't need to mother my partner. They're an adult. Expecting me to clearly tell them to do every basic chore is insulting. You're pushing the entire mental load onto me, which is both unfair and immature. Additionally, both people in this situation were women.

edit: The implications that I'm incapable of communicating when I've given every indication of communicating with clear "when x, I feel y" statements, the gold standard of communication, are insulting. I have had absolutely no issues communicating with my partners before or since. The issue wasn't a lack of communication, it was my partner's choice to weaponize her incompetence. She never "forgot" when it affected her, only when it affected me. She knew, very clearly, that she was hurting me. If I said "it hurts when you slap me. When you slap me, it makes me sad," and you slapped me right afterwards, "well you didn't tell me to stop" wouldn't fly as an excuse. I set a boundary. She crossed it. Repeatedly.