transcript
Screenshot of a tweet by @feralhousepuppy: hey so you've been calling me "bro", "man", and "dude" a lot and it's really invalidating to my masculinity cause those are all gender neutral things you call trans women :/
this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026
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I really wish there was a word that was as useful as "dude" but without the gender connotation.
I tried swapping to "fam" and "cuz" but those felt appropriated, I tried "gamer" and "chat" but those felt irony-poisoned, "Sis" and "girl" feel performative. So "dude" it shall be until someone tells me it's bad, and then they get no objective article at all.
I mean the golden rule with how you speak about people is really just to listen to what people tell you about what makes them feel respected
So feel free to use dude gender neutrally if thats how you speak, and if someone says they don't feel good in it, stop. If youre worried it might not feel great for someone you can always just say you're used to using it gender neutrally and ask 🤷🏻♂️
I think the australians have this figured out with "mate"
Nah, mate is as gendered as dude. Like sure some woman won’t mind, but it’s mostly men being called mate by other men.
No straight man is going to be like “I had sex with my mate” when talking about say a fwb.
Nah, women can easily be mates, it's not a gendered term at all any more.
It really is, and that’s the same argument people make for “dude”.
Well, yes and no, depending on where you're from.
Where I'm from, I'd say mate meaning "a person who is my friend" as opposed to mate meaning "greeting to a random person" are used a bit differently. I think it's normal for anyone of any gender to refer to someone else of any gender as one of their mates. I would say it's not uncommon (though less common, for sure) for women to greet other women. But men and women generally refer to someone of the opposite gender as love (and of course this is looked down upon in other parts of the country (other terms of endearment are available, but love is the most common, at least when I lived there)).
I'd agree that no straight man would be likely say "I had sex with my mate", but I don't think they'd be much more likely to say "I had sex with my friend", either, unless they ended the sentence "... with benefits".
been using “m8” for too long, that I don't think I’m call’em “benefits.” @That point: “tis my partner[s]” or “oh em? that's ma spotter/coach.”
Mate doesn't pluralise well though, 'I'm going out with my mates' is fine but 'hi mates' sounds wrong. Also a lot of it is in the delivery, calling someone 'mate' can be anything from friendly to neutral to hostile depending on the tone and the words which precede it.
Of course "Hi mates!" feels wrong, it needs to be either "g'day mates" or "ahoy mateys" or "oy mates"...
Sorry.
Btw. you have the same "problem" (imho, feature) of tone determining level of friendliness with dude, dude. And partly even with bro, though bro feels harder to turn unfriendly when adressing someone.
For me, "Hi mates" or "oy mates" sounds completely okay, but I'm a non-native speaker.
And cunt 😁😅
"dude" always felt gender neutral to me (though do note English is my fourth language...).
And if you look at the etymology of the word, gender neutrality makes some sense.
It started out as slang in the late 1800s mocking "hyper-fashionable young urban men".
Then the early 20th century it transformed to describe tourists from the East Coast on the Western side of the country (see "dude ranches").
And then in the 60-70s it transformed thanks to surfer slang, back to being male oriented.
I'd say if you're uncomfortable with the "dude" form of the term... use "dood" instead. Or even "d00d" if you're feeling l33t h4xx0r.
So in your examples, it went from making fun of a type of men, to referring to the overwhelmingly-male owners of hobby ranches, to referring to male surfers.
When exactly was it ever gender neutral?
No...
You got the second part wrong. It wasn't the "overwhelmingly male owners of hobby ranches" that were called dudes, but, if you read my comment again, you'll notice I specifically said the UNGENDERED tourists hailing from the east coast - primarily city folk - visiting rural western areas, ranches.
The 80s and 90s skater culture. We're all dudes https://youtu.be/iKYXmjfQY4U
Gendered terms actually very often have really weird etymologies. You'd be surprised how many words for women used to refer to children of any gender (which could be a whole discussion by itself).
You will find out how gender neural "dude" really is when you ask a guy how many dudes he has banged.
I don't like dude as gender neutral and don't think I ever will. I'll stick with "fam," "friend," and "homie" (then again, I am Hispanic, so that might not work for everyone)
"cunt" kinda works
Comrade!
Tovarășe! Să trăiți!
I prefer homie
just say "baby".
Thanks, baby! :D
hmnawawwaw---- yea see, like, that works maybe and when it does it usually makes the recipient excited which is a wonderful bonus ~
bae 2
hmm i can see it but that one would be more difficult to read when you aren't used to it.
when saying it. it's a very open-mouthed sound so peeps will probably think they didn't understand you right, while
babyhas a rather distinct and complete-feeling kinda sound i think.EDIT: it would sound nice tho once peeps know you use that sound-word for everyone >v<
ya, “bae” in very district.
Always thought mate was fantastic but it sounds weird when Americans use it
Well, I'm Canadian, but I assure you it doesn't sound any better coming from us.
America should refer to the continent anyway
let’s go for: hello beings
I too am entering the conversation. Hello fellow resident of Earth.
hello dear feathercrown being, user of the earthwide digital interwebs, you hereby might feel officially welcomed
I full use hello beings when my brain is unsure what to call everyone. I also like all y'all.
personally a fan of comrade, friend or pal.
but i also really kinda do use guy and dude gender neutrally. Accidentally have called everyone i know dude at some point. P sure i called my mom dude several timea.
but also aware some people dont like that so i makr a point of asking if know/suspect theyve a non cis gender identity, or correct as needed if asked.
people only really take it badly if its the first time meeting and theres doubt to ones priorities. People are generally very forgiving if you establish intent and willingness to respect each other in my experience
Comrade?
Dudette! Though I honestly stick with dude, i use dudette only if it bothers them;
"howdy folks 🤠"
I mentioned "cat" elsewhere but this morning I remember Mr. Rogers called us all "neighbor" and I think it could work.
just gonna end up sounding like ned flanders. Not the worst thing to come of as tho, if you look past the religous dogma. Always friendly, and he has a great ass
"what up cuh"
Me omw to commit auditory blackface to avoid using a mostly gender-neutral term gender neutrally
add.:
I like folks but it's pleural so only works for groups.
Folks is plural, neighbor.
Pleural refers to the lungs and the space that holds them, like "pleural effusions" and "pleurisy."
Damn autocorrect. Ta.
Imo new words should be created for these things. Like how about
zude?