this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026
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[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I'm sorry you had to endure that. Sounds similar to my situation. I've literally been told I should be grateful that I don't get slapped in the face for "sass" because my mom's father did that to her. And I also have a sister that defends our abusive father no matter what. He always spared her most of the abuse that the boys got a double dose of. I'm supposedly on good terms with my immediate family but there's a long list of traumas caused by my parents. The most "normal" one of us is the less abused sister and she's planning to marry a trump supporter who has a lot of debt and has had 2 previous wives, the last of which he was still married to when my sister and him started seeing each other. They're going to be super in debt (buying a new expensive vehicle right after getting engaged on top of lots of existing debt) and I truly don't see it working out even if you ignore that she has claimed to oppose trump for many years but now suddenly has decided to tune out and marry a fascist redneck because he (for now) does every single thing she says. This is what happens when you rule your first two kids with an iron fist and then get tired of it and let the third kid get away with murder, nearly always getting their way and knowing no discipline. People/parents don't seem capable of balance. It's all or nothing..

Conservatism is the backdrop that poisons all of these relationships. So many shitty conversations with my parents about politics have left me very alienated from them. The future their votes and ideas have destroyed are not their problem and you cannot even mention these issues unless you want a fight or at minimum to be disappointed. The entire ideology of conservatism is to keep people from having better lives and convince them that a better way is evil. And that applies to both families and society at large.

Sorry for the long winded response. Not a lot of people discuss this stuff as it relates to family trauma.

Sorry coming back to this so late, I was having a day with the family as it is...

The worst is that even somewhat progressive people, like my mother and sister, are honestly in so many ways so deeply conservative. I think a lot of it for them was driven by religion, by Christianity. It's a big reason I became an atheist, was the religious abuse, once again mostly verbal and emotional (although I did see my mom get physical once with my sister when she angrily accused my 17 year old sister of wearing a "sexy bra" on a date on purpose and called her a slut.

Anyway, both lifelong democrats, both hate Trump and Republicans in general, both still don't acknowledge their own shitty controlling abusive behavior.